


Do You Believe In Aliens?

by its_amboo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Evil Snoke, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Reader-Insert, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Snoke Being a Dick, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:46:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 28,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25917562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/its_amboo/pseuds/its_amboo
Summary: Nobody had ever really seen aliens, they're had been stories of course, but no actual proof. You weren't sure what side you took in the debate, until one day you stumble upon a First Order ship that had landed in the local woods.Kylo Ren, desperate to not let anyone find out what had happened, kidnaps you and forces you to stay with him. You were hesitant, but there's something about the galaxy (and Kylo) that draws you in...
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & You, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Reader, Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 5
Kudos: 73





	1. 01- So many questions

**Author's Note:**

> I can't seem to stop writing new stories haha! I promise to finish what I start though, so don't worry! :D Also, this is available on Wattpad under the same name if you'd like to read it there :) Enjoy! xx

As you sat on your bed, staring out of the window, you sighed. There was so much out there, stars upon stars, each unique and bursting with life. Your science teacher had once said that we were all formed of stardust, which you believed, but were reluctant to accept. You were not formed of the same thing as the stars, you were not made of light- not really. Perhaps you had the same starting point, but you (and most humans for that matter) had diverted to a different strand of existence long ago.

There was something comforting about being made of stardust though, it made you feel connected to the great wonders out there, a place farther than you could ever go. All unexplored and beautiful- at least you hoped it was beautiful. It had to be, bursting and exploding and imploding with each second you looked upon it; it was constantly changing while you looked on, unmoving.

When you were younger, you had wanted to be an astronaut, but when you discovered you couldn’t actually travel much further than the moon, you gave up. The moon had been seen before, you wanted bigger, further, to see each crevice and hidden spot in the universe. The moon was a small grey rock circling the Earth, it was not worth seeing. 

You weren’t sure if aliens did exist, though you supposed they must. Being the only intelligent life form seemed cruel, and unfair. All this space and you were the only ones to occupy it. There had to be aliens, green and ugly like the films showed them to be. Slimy and slick with extraterrestrial gunk as they emerged from flying saucers to conquer Earth. They were welcome to try, you thought, amused by the idea. 

~~~~~~~~

When you slept, dreaming vaguely of space, something unthinkable happened. Not entirely unthinkable, because if it was, then it wouldn’t happen because nobody would think of doing it. It was unthinkable in your mind, something you wouldn’t believe unless your saw it with your own eyes. 

Way above, hovering in space was a ship. Large, menacing and flying just high enough so as not to be spotted. It was called the Finalizer, and it was occupied by the most feared aliens of them all, though nobody on Earth knew of their existence. 

Two noteworthy figures on this ship were General Hux and Kylo Ren, the commander of the Finalizer. They were in the viewing deck at the front of the ship, looking down on the planet they had stumbled upon,

“It’s occupied sir, by an intelligent species and plenty of animals.” One officer spoke.

Kylo Ren placed his two large, gloved hands on the command panel and leaned forward, staring down at the planet, 

“It’s mostly water?” He asked through the voice modifier in his mask

“Yes sir, but there is life pretty much everywhere.” 

“What technology do they have?” Asked the General, 

“Basic compared to us, sir, from what we know they are yet to visit any of the other planets in their solar system.” 

This was unheard of for such a well developed planet.

“It’s a little out of the way,” said the General, “are you sure you want to go there, Ren?”

“I want to see for myself, land somewhere where we won’t be spotted.” Kylo Ren’s command was met with no objections. 

~~~~~~~~

You were taking a walk through the woods when you saw it. It was a quiet sort of day, and you were hesitant to do much else but walk. The leaves were the perfect amount of crunchy underfoot, and the morning dew was yet to properly fade, though the fog had risen. You were alone, as you usually were, and yet you were not afraid. You knew the woods well, and you trusted yourself not to get lost as you followed the well-walked path that wound and turned through the maze of trees.

Maybe you had taken something, maybe you were ill, but either way you definitely saw it. Deciding to venture away from the path, you followed a deer-trail through a thicker part of the woods. This way was more difficult to follow, as the tracks would split off of fade as the animals walked through shrubbery you couldn’t go through. The ground became less even, and you were too busy watching where you were stepping that you didn’t see it, not until it was right in front of you...

...the ship...

When you lifted your eyes from the ground, you gasped, only to cover your mouth to prevent the sound echoing through the trees. It was terrifying, really, and you stumbled backwards, twisting your ankle on a tree-root. Before you could cry out, you stopped yourself and silently hid behind a tree. It probably wasn’t big enough to hide you completely, but you weren’t thinking straight. What was that thing? 

You watched as figures- people?- wandered out, carrying crates and boxes. They placed them down, talking to each other as they did so. They were all dressed the same, white plates, supposedly armour. You felt your hands tremble as you noticed the guns hanging from their waists. At least, you presumed they were guns. What should you do? You ankle was throbbing in pain and you could barely stand on it without wincing- what if you had to run? 

So many questions, but you weren’t keen on sticking around to find the answers. Slowly, you started limping away, silently cursing at the pain in your ankle as you did so. A little further and you could go back on the path and pretend you never saw anything. A little further-

“Hey, you! Stop!”

You turned, one of them was pointing at you, their other hand was reaching for their gun. You stopped, holding your hands up in surrender, a part of you wondering how they spoke English so well. 

Three of them ran up to you, one keeping their gun aimed at you as they spoke,

“A local, what should we do with her?” One asked, still speaking English.

“Take her in, I suppose.” Another replied, the one with the gun remained silent.

“As a hostage?” 

“She might be useful,”

“He’ll want to see her.”

“Well, let’s hurry then, before we get in trouble.”

The one with the gun nodded, and the other two suddenly grabbed you. One kept your hands pinned behind your back, the other gripping your shoulder until it hurt. You limped as you were walked towards the ship, the armed one keeping behind you. 

You wanted to cry out, to fight back, but you felt powerless compared to the strange masked people. They felt inhuman- and of course they were- but in a sense that you couldn’t put into words. Like they were human, just stripped of something inside; something separated you from them, but you didn’t know what. 

“Hurry up men,” One called from inside the ship as you approached the ramp, “What have you got there?”

“A local, found her spying,” The one clutching your shoulder replied. 

“Very well, take her to Kylo Ren.”


	2. 02- Change of scenery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have your first interaction with Kylo Ren

You were taken through the ship, half-dragged as you were marched along. You couldn't catch much of the unfamiliar surroundings, your head was spinning and the quick pace meant you couldn't really see much of what was around you. The hallways were dark, foreboding and- from what you could see- composed of metal with intricate designs decorating them. You twisted your head to see more, but they held you tight, keeping you helplessly vulnerable as they turned yet another corner. 

Others passed you without question, some dressed in the same plated armour, others wearing uniforms. You got the feeling that weren't at all bothered by what was happening to you, it seemed like a regular occurrence they had learned to endure. They all stepped aside to allow you to be hauled past as you tried to meet their eyes, desperate for help. 

Nobody helped though, and you were eventually taken into a room. It was cold inside, and you shivered as you were fastened to some kind of table. The table held you at a strange angle, almost upright but not quite, suspending you in the air as you pulled at your restraints. It was feverishly cold, and the silence that filled the room was suffocating. The room was big too, far too large for one table, the emptiness made you feel as if you were in some kind of void, hovering in nothing.  
The men left.

You were alone.

Puling harder at your bindings, you thought of a way out. What would they do to you? Would they hurt you? Kill you? You tried not to think about it, instead focusing on getting out of your restraints so you could leave. They seemed unbreakable as you desperately tried to force your way out, twisting your wrist at a painful angle in order to try and get your hand out, but to avail. The pain in your ankle was throbbing dully and any movement made pain shoot through you, causing you to wince and stop your efforts. 

In the end, you gave in, deciding that you would follow their commands and hopefully get off easily. Their had to be some modicum of decency in them, and you would find it. 

~~~~~~~~

It wasn't long until the door opened again, the sudden rushing noise making you jump as you lifted your head to look at the figure in the doorway.

They were big. Large, grand and seething evil as they loomed before you, black clothing draped over them. They looked like a shadow, and the shining malice of their helmet made you quiver. It was a solid mass on their head, thick, impenetrable, the mouth piece making them look animalistic as they approached.

"How did you find my ship?" they asked lowly, their voice clearly modified,

"Your ship?" You replied, turning your face away from them,

"yes, my ship, how did you find it?" 

"I was walking," Your voice threatened to give in at any moment, "I just sort of.. ran into it.."

They hummed, crouching down to talk directly into your ear. The lack of breath you felt was unnerving. "If you're lying, I will find out."

"Please don't hurt me, I didn't mean to intrude I-"

Your mouth clamped shut of it's own accord, "Enough. What's your name?"

"Y/N- Y/N L/N- just please, don't hurt me." 

"I should kill you, you're probably with the resistance."

"The resistance?" You asked, your curiosity getting the better of you.

The man, for you were almost sure it was a man, grabbed both your hands, studying your fingers closely, "You don't have the ring."

"What ring? I don't know what you're talking about,"

"Do you know who I am?" They growled,  
still crouching beside you, 

"No?"

"I am Kylo Ren, commander of the First Order," He got closer, one hand gripping your face, forcing you to look at him, "And this is my ship."

~~~~~~~~

He left after that, clearly frustrated by your uselessness. You had no clue what he was talking about, but you got the idea that it was important- at least to him. The armoured people came back, and escorted you elsewhere, removing you from the table only to lock you into a cell. It was small and cramped, but at least you could move.

You sat patiently on the seat, running your hands along it. You weren't sure how you felt, aside from scared. The ship almost made you feel empty, like the humanity had been drained from you. Your breathing echoed of the walls and you waited for something to happen. 

Something did happen, and the door opened once again. In came a tall, pale man. His orange hair had been slicked out of his face and he held himself straight as he spoke to you,

"Kylo Ren has seen you then?" His voice was disturbingly normal,

"The man in the mask? Yes." You replied nervously, uncertain of them.

He nodded thoughtfully, "I thought as much, mind you don't upset him again."

"Upset him? I didn't do anything!" You stood up, defensive. The man shrugged.

"You clearly did something." He paused, "I'll have the stormtroopers get you something to eat."

He left quickly, barking orders to the two armoured men outside the door. They nodded and one left, returning shortly with a tray.

"Here, don't expect it to taste good." They handed it to you, 

"Thank you. Are you a stormtrooper?" Your voice was almost shy as you stared down at the mush they had given you. 

"You really don't know much, do you? Yes I am." They laughed.

"What do you do?"

No response, the stormtrooper left and the door was shut before you, leaving you trapped inside the cell once again. 

You picked at your food, prodding it only to see it spring back up. It was some sort of mushy, grey, jelly- your stomach turned just looking at it. It didn't taste of much at all, but the texture made you gag. You ate it though, not wanting to know the consequences if you didn't. Alien cuisine was not much to write home about, you decided, forcing down another mouthful.

Once you were finished, you thought back to what they were going to do with you. They would have killed you by now, surely? Maybe they thought you were useful in some way, but you knew you weren't. You laid down, turning away from the door and sighed. You felt trapped, and you were, but it was more than that. This was so out of your depth, and you felt truly alone. The more you saw of the place, the more you wanted to leave, but you couldn't. Whatever 'Kylo Ren' wanted, you couldn't help him, you just hoped he would realise that soon and let you go...


	3. 03- Use the force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren pays you another visit

Kylo Ren made himself scarce for the rest of the day. Between commanding the Finalizer, scrutinising Hux and being scrutinised by Snoke, it was quite easy to avoid seeing you again.

Something about you bothered him, he loathed you, despised you, you were nothing to him and yet? You were intriguing, you seemed so similar and so different at the same time; utterly worthless, yes, but not as much as everyone else. For some reason or another, he couldn't bring himself to kill you, so instead...

"My young apprentice."

"Yes, my master?" He had removed his helmet, holding it under his arm,

"The girl must be dealt with, she'll have people looking for her soon."

"What do you want me to do with her, Master?"

"Kill her, dispose of the body in the woods- away from the ship." His hologram flickered with his frustration, towering over Ren who hesitated,

"But she could be useful-"

"How so?" Snoke's voice was daring,

"We know nothing about these people, she could inform us." Ren was confident, unusually so, he believed he could make you bend to his will.

"Very well, do not disappoint me, my apprentice."

"I won't Master."

~~~~~~~~

He waited until the next day to see you again, knowing Hux had stopped by several times to check on you. He would make sure you didn't escape or die before he truly had a chance to pry into your mind. The interrogation before had been fun, playing around to see what you would do. He smiled beneath the mask, opening the door to see you lying there, helpless.

"Kylo Ren," Your voice shook even now, staring up at him.

"Miss L/N, how did you sleep?" His voice was thick with sarcasm,

"What do you want?"

He ignored you, instead turning to the stormtroopers standing guard, "Take her and follow me."

"Yes commander." They grabbed you, hauling you to your feet and holding you tight.

Kylo led the way, down more and more halls that grew increasingly more dark and terrifying the further they took you. You could say you recognised some of them, but you would be lying. Every corridor looked the same, Kylo could be walking you in circles and you'd be none the wiser.

His presence was more than enough incentive not to try and escape the stormtroopers grip. You did try to wriggle out, just a little, when Kylo stopped suddenly and turned to glare at you through the mask. He knew.

You stopped trying, letting the stormtroopers continue their ruthless dragging as you stumbled to keep up with their fast pace. Your heart was pounding, and you fought to slow it, not wanting to show weakness before the commander. He could sense it, but you didn't know that, and you thought you were being clever.

When you reached the desired room, you stopped. This was certainly familiar, and when the door opened your entire body froze. The troopers pulled you in, and you remained unmoving, allowing them to fasten you down.

Kylo Ren was quick to start talking, the door slamming shut behind the troopers and leaving you alone with him,

"I've been instructed to find out as much as I can about your people," He began, hand trailing along the table, toying with the cuff around your wrist, "Start talking."

"Earth is peaceful," You hissed at him, "And I have people who will look for me."

"That's why you have a choice," Kylo Ren wasn't phased, "Tell me what I want to hear, or I will make your death look like an accident."

You didn't reply, stunned by the realisation that he would kill you if he needed- or wanted- to.

"Well?"

"What do you want to hear?"

"Everything."

Kylo Ren was not an easy person to talk to. His mask intimidated you as you tried to hold some respect for yourself. Your voice wavered as you stared into the blank abyss of where his eyes supposedly were; quivering when he moved closer; falling silent when he dared to reach out and touch you.

His touches were gentle, questioning, as he stroked your hair or ran a single finger along your jawline. He was studying you, testing to see how alike you were. His hands were large as he grabbed your chin and pulled you as close to him as your restraints would allow. He watched your mouth as you talk, before letting go of your face and humming when you winced, head hitting the table sharply. His mask tilted down and he surveyed your body, laid out and vulnerable before him. You tried to turn away, suddenly self-conscious as you could almost feel his eyes on you, sure and stern as he took in every inch.

"That's all very good," He commented once you'd finish talking, spilling every secret of your planet, "But I want to hear about you."

"Me?"

"Tell me about your life, your friends, family, lovers."

"But-but why?"

You knew why, deep down. Leverage, blackmail, pressure points for him to exploit. When Kylo Ren remained silent, you did the same.

"Tell me."

You refused to respond, gaining confidence with each moment. He was taken aback by your refusal, but the momentary shock soon dissipated into frustration,

"I will take it from you. If you don't give it to me, I will take it."

"And how would you do that?" You questioned, not buying it, but maybe you should've.

Kylo Ren stepped back, coming before you, poised like a predator stalking its prey. He raised a hand, fingers curled slightly. You weren't sure what he was doing, until a sudden pain shook you. It exploded in your head, swelling and growing as you thrashed. You lost control, crying out as something seemed to be rifling through your thoughts. Memories emerged of your family, you saw your friends behind your eyes. It was torture as these thoughts were ripped from you and planted into the palm of Kylo Ren's hand.

"I can take whatever I want from you," He said lowly, as if it were a secret. The words echoed and you groaned.

The searing pain left, and a throbbing in your head took its place. Your breathes were shallow as the restraints opened seemingly on their own. You fell to the floor- landing sharply on your injured ankle- curling up in surrender as Kylo approached,

"You will learn to listen to me, then I won't have take things."

You scrambled away from him, frightened,

forcing yourself into a corner, hugging your knees to your chest. The pain in your ankle had returned, worse than ever. Kylo Ren knelt down,

"You're injured,"

He lifted the injured foot, turning it so he could see it under the small amount of light in the room,

"I'll take you to the medical room, I trust you'll follow me."

He outstretched a hand, which you took cautiously, trembling as he lifted you to your feet. You stood, somewhat lop-sidedly, and Kylo opened the door, watching you limp back out into the corridor.


	4. 04- Taste of your own medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo takes you to the medical room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! This chapter is a little longer but it is very sweet and i like it a lot! :D xx

The medical room was very much like any hospital you had ever been in. It was a blinding white compared to the dim hallways, and the lights overhead hurt to look at. You sat down on a bed and watched as Kylo disappeared into another room connected to the one you were in. The medical room was very quiet, which made you feel uneasy- where was everyone? Surely people got injured a lot, judging by the fact that everyone was armed and the stormtroopers that walked around seemed to be soldiers of some kind. But there was nobody, and there wasn't a stain in sight, all clean and sparkling. You felt as if you were soiling the bed by sitting on it and you cringed at the sight of your slightly dirty footprints.

It was kind for Kylo Ren to take you, though. You would much rather be sat on a bed instead of the block in your cell, and the room reminded you of Earth, even if it was changed in some way or another. You wanted to lay down, but you heard the door opening and instead straightened your posture.

In came a robot, tall and square with a mouthpiece like a microphone. It followed Ren to you, and you recoiled at first before Kylo Ren spoke,

"The med-droid will help you, don't worry." He sat down in the armchair beside the bed and watched, leaning over with his elbows on his knees. You glanced over every part of the 'droid' and flinched when it's cold metal hand removed your shoe and grabbed you just above the ankle.

"It's sprained," Their voice was somewhat strange, and they seemed to have no concern for you as they wandered back into the other room.

"Are you alright?" Kylo asks,

"Why are you helping me?" You didn't trust him, his mask was constantly reminding you of the monster that he was,

"You think I'm doing this out of kindness? I need you, and you're no use to me injured."

"What- what do you need me for? I told you everything I know."

"I know, but I can't just send you home. We'll discuss this later, with my master."

"Your master?" You tried to imagine what he looked like under the mask, probably frowning, probably grotesque

"No more questions. Not yet." He looked towards the droid that had joined you once more, pushing a small trolley.

They held your leg again, pulling it up as high as it would go, using their other arm to wrap a bandage tightly around your ankle. Their movements were rough, but calculated and efficient. You felt Kylo's eyes on you as you winced in pain, the compression causing a dull throbbing.

"It's too late for ice, you should've come sooner. This will do, keep it elevated and try not to walk on it." They took the trolley back, leaving the two of you alone again.

You hated the silence between the droid leaving and Kylo speaking. He always waited, perhaps he knew it made you uncomfortable, sitting there- vulnerable and scared. You looked down at your bandaged ankle and then back at him,

"Does that feel better?"

"Not particularly," You shifted up the bed, resting against the wall in a more comfortable position.

"It will take a couple of weeks to heal, maybe more,"

"You said I wouldn't be able to go home, why not?" You were scared of his response, desperate to know but also wishing not to

"My master wanted you to be killed, I convinced him otherwise. But you can't leave, you'd tell someone what you saw."

"I promise not too, if you let me go I won't say a word."

"How can I assure that?"

You didn't have an answer, you knew Kylo was right. Your family and friends would want a reason for your disappearance, and you didn't have one besides the ship- not that they would believe you anyway. It's a shame you had left your phone at home that day, not knowing you would need it. You felt trapped, and your silence betrayed you.

"You know I'm right," Kylo's voice was low, "My master wants to see you, he will know what to do."

"Who is your master? I thought this was your ship?"

"It is, my master is not in control of the ship, he is in control of me."

"Why?"

"He is my teacher," Said Kylo simply, "He guides me and trains me, I am his apprentice."

"It doesn't seem fair, to be under someone's control like that, does everything you do go through him?" You turned your body slightly, so you didn't have to crane your neck to look at him,

"Yes, but I don't see how it is so different to your schools on Earth."

"It isn't, but the context is different."

"Do you know the context?"

"No, but I was hoping you'd tell me." It was an invitation that Kylo did not accept, falling silent suddenly, as if he were thinking about something important.

You had adjusted to the lights in the medical room, and the bed was rather comfy. Kylo didn't speak, but you could hear him hum every now and then, quietly He sounded almost peaceful, but he remained in the poised, powerful position.

"What are you thinking about?" You asked at last,

"You."

"What about me?"

"What I'm going to do with you." He stood up, walking around to the other side of the bed. He bent down to your level, "Like I said, you still might be of some use."

"And what if I'm not?"

"Then you can sit in your cell all day,"

"Then that's what I'll do, I'm no use to you, I already told you everything."

"The First Order could always do with some new officers, we may even be able to recondition you into a stormtrooper..." He trailed off; you gripped the bedsheets, uneasy

"Reconditioned?"

Kylo sat on the edge of the bed, looking at you sideways,

"Stormtroopers are recruited from birth, but with a little effort, we could form you into one." His words were sharp, threatening, but you knew he wasn't lying

"Please don't..."

"I won't, but you have to co-operate. You will speak to my master, any questions?"

You had several, but one was worming it's way in the back of your mind, constantly there but of no importance,

"You know the General- Hux I think his name is?"

"Yes?" Kylo was sceptical

"Why does he look human? Why doesn't he look like an alien? Why don't any of you look like aliens?"

"We're humanoid, of course."

"But some of you do look alien?"

"Yes, but that's-"

"Can I see?"

"Not today, anything else?"

"What do you look like?"

"What do you mean? You're looking at me right now,"

"I mean under the mask- your face."

"I'll show you another time."

"Why do you speak English?"

He silenced you, clamping your mouth shut again,

"That's enough questions for today, you are a curious one, aren't you?"

You nodded, unable to speak,

"Are you scared? Is that why you feel the need to question everything around you?"

You nodded again, slower this time

"It's ok little one, you're safe with me."

You froze at the nickname, Kylo sensed your reluctance

"I won't hurt you, not unless you defy me. I'm not the monster you think I am."

Silence still, your mouth was no longer forced shut, but you couldn't find any words to say. Your mind was blank aside from Kylo Ren, he consumed your thoughts. A low chuckle escaped him,

"You can only think of me, but you look tired..."

"I'm not-"

He hushed you, raising his hand like he had before. You thought he was going to search your mind again and tensed, but instead he pressed the palm of his hand to your forehead. His touch was gentle, but you didn't get time to consider it before sleep conquered you. It came from nowhere and soon you surrendered to it, falling limp on the bed.

~~~~~~~~

You awoke in your cell, laying on the slab in your usual sleeping position. Had you dreamt the medical room? You looked down to your ankle, it was still bandaged, and another block was elevating it. You didn't dream it then. So how did you get here? The last thing you remember was sitting on the bed with Kylo... He touched your forehead.... He put you to sleep, didn't he? So how did you get to your cell? You don't remember being woken...

(Back in the medical room)

Kylo watched your sleeping form. You looked peaceful, breathing deeply as his powers kept you unconscious. He could feel your dreams already, buzzing and humming, they were calming like the background fizzle of a radio. He observed you for a while, before remembering why he put you under in the first place. He collected you up in his arms, one arm under your neck, the other in the crook of your knees.

You felt like nothing to him, though your presence was undeniable. He was strong, and if you were awake maybe you would've been unsure of his ability, but you were still perfectly asleep. He carried you down the halls, glaring at anyone who dared to stare at him, he was only preventing you from hurting your ankle further, nothing more. Hux passed by and smiled smugly- he was quickly thrown into the nearest wall.

The stormtroopers opened the door to your cell and he laid you down, instructing them to get you something to elevate your ankle. When your body hit the slab, it instinctively curled up like it usually did. He outstretched your bad leg and placed it on the block the troopers had brought. You looked more natural like this, despite the hard surface you were laying on.

He hovered in your cell for a moment, silently watching you. Blending into the shadows of the room, his breathing naturally fell into the same rhythm as yours. It was a peaceful moment, and he almost forgot himself, but he didn't and within another moment he was gone.

(Flashback end)

The realisation of what must have happened began to form, but you didn't let yourself think about it. He wouldn't, would he? The idea grew and grew, and you found it harder to ignore it. He had carried you to your cell, hadn't he? You wanted to ask him when you saw him again, but you were embarrassed by the idea. You could almost visualise it, and the idea made your face feel hot, warming at the image of his arms holding you- this was certainly different.


	5. 05- Supreme leader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Kylo have a meeting with Snoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! :) I don’t know if I mentioned, but this story is also available on Wattpad in case you’d like to read it there! :D xx

Time wasn't an easy thing to gage on the ship. You often used meals to guess what time it was or how many days had passed, but the meals were often the same thing so you still couldn't be certain. Also, there wasn't much else to do but sleep so you couldn't use that as a way to count the days either.

When the stormtrooper gave you the first meal since your visit to the medical room, you decided not to ask, it would only make you worry about how long you had been gone. You felt as if it had been months, when in reality it definitely wasn't, but your perception of reality had been warped since you first laid eyes on that ship.

You knew what would happen next, Ren wouldcollect you soon for a meeting with his 'master' and you were readying yourself for what you might see. Whoever controlled Kylo Ren would have to be powerful, you figured, not just anybody to have influence over that man.

Hux stopped by a little while after you had finished eating,

"You'll be meeting the Supreme Leader soon," He said, stood in the doorway, "Don't upset him, Snoke isn't someone to be messed with."

"Snoke? Is that his name?" You wondered why the General was telling you this,

"Yes, and try not to upset Ren either, he's always angrier after a meeting with him."

You sat up properly, watching the way Hux's eyes danced across the room instead of settling on one thing. He was almost skittish with the way he addressed you, but you couldn't place why.

"General, is something wrong?"

"Ren told me I looked like you... a human..."

"So?"

"The...the thought of that... it..."

"It bothers you?" You thought about it for a moment, "General, what species are you?"

"That doesn't matter." he snapped, "I just can't think of myself as one of you."

"Being human isn't a bad thing!" You couldn't believe you were having this conversation, he had to be joking.

"Well I'm not human, so it doesn't matter anyway. But I would prefer it if you didn't call me that again."

"Oh, sorry..."

He turned sharply and left, his entire body seemed to bristle with frustration, and you wanted to laugh. You did feel guilty, but you had no idea that someone could find something so offensive. You weren't getting off to the best start when it came to the whole 'not upsetting people thing' so you decided to start afresh. Today was a new day, you thought to yourself, it wasn't like you could prove otherwise.

~~~~~~~~

Kylo Ren entered your cell silently, the door slamming shut behind him with an invisible wind. You shuddered and looked up at him, noting his strong arms that you were sure had carried you. He crossed those arms and the tilting of his helmet suggested he was also looking you up and down.

"Y/N, come on."

"Snoke won't hurt me, will he?"

"You know his name?"

You nodded, "General Hux told me."

"Don't address him as Snoke, it's Supreme Leader to you."

You nodded again,

"I sense your nerves, but don't worry, my Master won't hurt you without good reason."

"Ok." You went to stand, but Kylo stopped you, placing a hand flat on your chest,

"No."

"No?"

He pushed you to sit back down, and you did. The hand that had pushed you was instead placed on your forehead and you knew what happened next.

Waking from the sleep, you found yourself lying on the floor of a different room. It was dark and shadowy, with a single window high up letting in a small whisper of light. You noted the dust visible in the light, dancing and falling in the most human ways. The grandest of the room made you quiver, wondering about who could possibly reside in an empty abyss such as this.

"Master?" Kylo Ren called out to the darkness. A blue light replaced the light from the window and you pushed yourself backwards.

A hologram appeared of a withered man, dressed in robes and sat in a throne. The hologram took up the majority of the space and you felt trapped, pushing yourself back until you collided with Kylo's legs. You stood, turning as you did so in order to not look at the picture before you.

"Is that the girl?" The voice shook you, Kylo didn't hesitate,

"Yes."

"Turn her around."

He did so, grabbing your shoulders and forcing you to look. You remained planted against his chest, he held you fast so you had no choice.

"What's her name?"

"Y/N." He answered for you, which you were thankful for, you weren't sure you could talk.

"Force sensitive?"

"Not that we know of."

"And she's told you everything you need to know?"

"Yes Master."

"So why don't you kill her like I instructed?"

"We could use her as staff," Said Kylo,

"No, you don't need her."

Kylo sighed through the modifier, and the sound resonated throughout the room. You were still pressed against him, and you became aware of just how tight he was holding you, desperately gripping at your shoulders, hands clenching and shifting periodically.

"No, Master I can't."

"You can't?" There was a shift in Snoke's voice, and with it came a shift in the very atmosphere. "Kylo Ren, you will do as I say."

"We could still use her, to help us-"

"No! You are my apprentice, I am your Master: Do As I Say." He pointed, a single bony finger reaching out towards the pair of you, "You can start by taking off that mask."

"Not in front of the girl."

Snoke huffed, "She will be dead soon, it doesn't matter if she sees you."

"I won't kill her, my Master. I'm sure she's important, I can sense it."

"Important to you, perhaps, but do not let any personal emotions get in the way." 

His glare was intimidating, and you craned your neck to look at Kylo. He was staring straight ahead, and his helmet gave away none of his feelings. He was much more pleasant to look at then Snoke, although the smooth, never-changing complexion was still frightening. Especially in this light, he looked like a shadow, a creature lurking in the dark. You turned from him to his Master and then back again, not knowing what to say.

There was silence for a moment, and then

"I don't have feelings, my Master, not like before."

"Ben Solo has feelings."

"Ben Solo is dead."

"I can sense the conflict in you, I'm scared the girl will only draw you closer to the light."

You were still not sure who to look at, or what was being said. The words they were saying were English, and simple words at that but they made no sense to you. Light? Conflict? Ben Solo? Who was Ben Solo? Something in you was eager to learn more, but you were too anxious to speak. Your throat felt dry,

standing between the two, the robes of your captor brushing the exposed skin of your arms.

"Take her back to her room, Ren. We will discuss this later."

He nodded, and his arms fell to his sides. You were free, and you stepped away. Kylo raised a hand again, and you allowed yourself to fall unconscious, the thought of why he felt the need floating in your mind before being silenced by sleep.

~~~~~~~~

You rubbed your eyes and sat up. Lying in your cell, leg still elevated, you saw Kylo standing there.

"Why do you feel the need to knock me out?"

"Because carrying you might make you uncomfortable."

He was stood in front of the closed door, hovering there, watching you. Had he been there the whole time you'd slept? How long had you been asleep?

"Why do you carry me in the first place?"

"It's a long walk, you'd only make your ankle worse."

"Why do you care? I'm your prisoner, aren't you supposed to hurt me?"

He didn't respond, only stepping closer which made you hesitate.

"You have questions."

"A few."

"Well I have some as well. Sit up."

You did, stretching as you did so. Kylo picked up the block you used for your ankle and sat beside you.

"Do you want me to hurt you?" He asked, toying with the object in his hands.

"No, why would I want that?" You were stunned by his question, not quite sure what he was trying to say.

"You said I was supposed to hurt you, would you like that?"

You shook your head, his close presence never failed to intimidate you.

"I've seen inside your mind, and yet you still confuse me."

"How?"

"Your complexity," Says Ren, "You are neither good nor bad- not completely."

"And you are?"

"That is the idea."

He was still holding the block in his hands, turning it over as if looking for something.

"If you have any questions, ask Hux."

He stood, placing the block back. You looked up at him, trying to fathom anything about him. He was so, still, and flat almost in his personality. You were as confused by him as he was about you, and that seemed to bother both of you equally. When the cell door opened and closed, separating the two of you- you sighed. The air felt lighter without him and breathing came easier. The very feel of him was suffocating.


	6. 06- A masked murderer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux answers your questions, but you regret asking them.

General Hux was the closest thing you had to a friendly face. You got the impression that he wasn't well liked by the other officers, but you didn't mind him. His appearance was still didn't sit right with you, but at least he showed some basic humanity. You thought him brave, he didn't bend to the cold environment and at the very least he didn't hide behind a mask.

"Y/N, Ren said you wanted to see me?"

You glanced from him to the door behind him which was still open.

"I had some questions, he refused to answer them."

"He does that." Hux had no intention of stepping further into the cell, "What did you want to ask?"

"There are lots of things." You thought about where to start, so many things that you're sure were interlinked but you didn't know how. 

Finally, after several seconds of debate, you spoke again, "Who is Ben Solo?"

Hux sighed, "I didn't want to tell you this, Ren will be furious."

"Please?"

"Ben Solo is Kylo Ren's real name if you will- his birth name. He's not always been the monster he is now." He paused, watching as your face grew more and more intrigued, "It's a long story, and not a nice one."

"Tell me it- please."

"Ben Solo was the child of two resistance fighters, and he was a good child. He turned to the darkside, renouncing his name and his history. Ben Solo is dead."

"That's what he said too, but how can you do that? Change like that?" You shifted towards the edge of your seat, eagerly awaiting what Hux had to say.

"He was seduced by the darkside, many are, and they become monsters."

"You keep mentioning the darkside, what is it?"

"The darkside of the Force, the opposite of the light. It's what the sith and Ren use to get their powers."

"Like magic?"

Hux almost chuckled, "Your species aren't the most intelligent, are they? No, not like magic. The Force is everywhere, in everything; I'm afraid I don't know much about it."

"The darkside is evil then?"

"Yes, it's powered by bad feelings, like fear, I believe."

"But fear isn't evil! Fear is normal!"

"Fear powers the darkside, it is evil. As is your captor."

You sat still, not knowing what to say or what to feel. It didn't seem fair for fear to be the cause of evil, everyone was scared of something. You were scared right at this moment, but you were almost sure you weren't evil.

Hux watched you ponder it for a moment, his eyes flitting across you with almost disdain, he didn't like teaching you. You didn't need to know such things, Snoke would have you killed soon, he was almost sure of that.

"General? Will Ben Solo ever come back?"

"No, no I don't think he will, Y/N," His soft tone surprised even him, "Ben Solo is dead, and Kylo Ren is who we have now."

"What does Kylo look like?"

"It doesn't matter what he looks like, he's a killer, a monster, a creature. Don't be fooled, Y/N, he isn't some lost child- not anymore."

You didn't respond. You were appalled by what Hux had said. Kylo Ren was all the things you thought he was, and that upset you. How badly you wanted to be wrong, to discover he was actually a good man. Your idea of aliens and space was quickly slipping away, and it was being replaced by Kylo Ren, the mask he wore and the trail of bodies he left. Hux coughed, snapping you back to your cell where you eyes were quickly welling with tears,

"You are to be escorted to the showers, your food will be here when you get back."

You nodded, getting up and walking past Hux where the Stormtroopers quickly grabbed you,

"Y/N," Hux called out to you, you turned to look at him, "Don't let this upset you, there's nothing we can do now."

You didn't say anything back, just let the Stormtroopers drag you away.

~~~~~~~~

As much as you hated to admit it, a shower was exactly what you needed. The water was hot and you could feel yourself relaxing as you quite literally scrubbed away the past few days from you body. The dirt from the forest was washed away and you truly became one with the ship and the people on it. Earth was no longer present on you, especially when you stepped out of the cubicle to see your clothes replaced with a black, standard-issue jumpsuit.

Reluctantly, you pulled it on. The fabric was thick, muck more accustomed to the cold temperature than your own clothes. You caught sight of yourself in the mirror and felt your stomach drop. You were dressed in your kidnappers' clothing, the First Order logo proudly on your chest. Your plan of behaving until you had the opportunity to escape was not working, you were becoming less human with each interaction you had. The jumpsuit mocked you, as did your clean skin and hair. You were like them now, you would soon renounce your own name like Kylo Ren had.

It was all Kylo Ren's fault. He was responsible.

When you got back to your cell, you picked up the tray of food which had been left for you. The same mush, the same small cup of water. You drank the water quickly, but refused to touch the food. It wasn't something you wanted to eat again, you would not let that tainted stuff enter you. It was poisoning you, with it's horrid texture and indistinguishable flavour, it was making you like them.

Instead you picked up the tray, and you slung it as hard as you could at the cell door, it painted the door with its poison, defacing it. You felt better, you would destroy anything you could that was theirs, defying them in any way that was possible. You would demand your clothes back, and you would not eat until they fed you something you recognised. You were not their slave, not their toy. And you would certainly never join them, you'd rather die.

After hearing what Kylo Ren was, you were angry. He had killed his former self, but he would not have the pleasure in ruining you. You picked up the cup that was now empty and threw it much like the tray; you squeezed your eyes shut, preventing tears from slipping out as you did so.

But when the cup never hit against the wall, you looked up, seeing the monster before you- the cup hanging in the air.


	7. 07- Give it all you got

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren isn't one to mess with, but you are yet to learn that

The cup hit the floor with a resounding noise. You were too high on your anger to flinch or worry about what was happening, even when Kylo stepped forward and the door shut behind him. 

"What do you think you're doing?" He asked, turning to look at the mess you had made on the door. 

You ignored him, "Where are my clothes?"

"Burned, you don't need them anymore. I sorted everything with the Supreme Leader."

"No! I want them back!"

"I provided you with new clothes, what is the issue?"

"I don't want to wear this! I'm not becoming like _you!_ " 

"Like me?" He dared to approach closer, "What's wrong with you?"

"Hux told me everything I need to know about you! You're evil!"

He chuckled, low and guttural. You finally came to your senses, flinching away from him, still seething with anger but fear fronting in your mind. Kylo Ren was a monster, and you had angered him, how stupid could you be? 

  
"I'm evil?" He asked, "How so?"

"You're a monster! A murderer!"

He tried grabbing your wrists, but you kicked out, feet planting in his chest. His solid form stumbled back for a few moments before he was lunging for you again, much more powerful than before. You didn't have time to react, and he swiftly pulled you to your feet, dragging you up so you stood in front of him. 

"You know nothing."

"I know you're real name- Ben Solo."

He roared something too savagely to even make out and you felt an invisible force hurl you into the door. Your face landed in the same mush you had thrown only minutes before and you groaned. Pain throbbed in your head and chest, and you realised then and there that you were probably going to die if you didn't do something soon. You could hear the creature behind you, muttering something, and a new sound you didn't recognise; low and humming and burning. You felt the temperature rise and cried out in fear,

"Help! Help me! He's going to hurt me- He's going to _kill_ me!"

You weren't sure who would come to your aid, maybe Hux or an officer. The stormtroopers would still be stationed outside, but the quiet, complicit nature gave you the feeling they wouldn't dare oppose the monster that was still very much behind you. You dared to turn around, facing the heat and the creature simultaneously, shocked by your own bravery. 

  
Swallowing thickly, you looked upon him. He was panting, hunched over slightly like a beast, his mask staring at you with the same blank expression. In his hand was fire, controlled fire in the shape of a blade. You looked from it to him, the image of the flame in his hand etched into your mind, this would be the last thing you see before you die. The monster and his sword, ready to strike you down for disobedience. At least you died free, not tainted by him, not under his mercy. You were still human.

  
"I can sense your fear, you think I am going to kill you." His voice was unnaturally calm for the situation.

You nodded, you weren't sure you could even speak.

"I won't, but I don't tolerate misbehaviour. You will learn to respect me."

"You had to laugh, even if your mind knew better than to provoke him, "Respect you? You? Never."

"Snoke has agreed to keep you alive, that is a priviledhge many are not granted."

"They're the lucky ones. I will not work for you, I will not become like you."

"You don't have a choice, join me."

"So you can change me like how you changed, corrupt me until I'm nothing but a monster, a creature so _hideous_ that they have to hind behind a _mask._ "

You felt that invisible force around you again, Kylo lifted his free hand and in turn you were lifted. When he swung his arm you were swung into the wall. Your back crashed into it and you screamed, sliding down the wall and landing in a heap on your 'bed'. You looked up at him, your un-eaten dinner coating your cheeks, blood building in your mouth and dribbling down your chin. You spat, blood spraying, almost far enough to stain his robes, but not quite. 

"Give in _girl._ You were so well-behaved before this."

"Before I knew what you are? What you used to be and what you became?" You refused to give in, "What do you look like under there? Twisted with hatred? Too many eyes? Or are you just ugly, grotesque? You have a face not even your own mother could love-"

He tossed you effortlessly to the floor without even touching you. You were lying by his feet, ready to be stomped on, executed by the glowing blade that was still burning away in his hand. Instead, he ignored you, instead turning to the 'bed' you were just on. He raised his flame, striking it, slicing through it over and over and over as you fought to remain conscious. He kept going, using all his strength and anger, wielding the blade as if it were an extension of his own hand. He was good at this, natural. You heard him talking over the throbbing in your head,

"I gave you too much, too many luxuries- You're too spoilt- A brat- You will respect me- You will serve under me- You will not talk about my parents- Or about Ben Solo- _You are mine._ "

They were the disjointed ramblings of a madman, incoherent with no structure or discernible reasoning. He wasn't even talking to you, but himself, reminding himself of his superiority, his power over you. It didn't matter to him if you heard, because he would still make you bend to his will, whether or not you knew it was happening made no difference to Kylo Ren.

You pushed yourself up with your arms, gritting your teeth at the pain. Your body was aching, and drifting between unconsciousness. Your brain wasn't working properly, it was fuzzy and dazed as you tried to stand. Kylo Ren stopped suddenly, and the flame dissipated, leaving just the hilt he used to hold it. 

"You have already had once visit to the medical room, you won't have another."

"I thought I was no use to you injured?" You quoted his previous words, praying he would give in.

"You are no use to me if you do not listen to what I say, you will learn your lesson."

You groaned, turning to see your 'bed' was now nothing more than scraps.

"Sleep on the floor, little one. I'll be back to see if your behaviour has improved."

He was gone without another word. You let your arms collapse, allowing yourself to give in to sleep, despite how embarrassed and frustrated you were. You had not gained from this situation, not how you hoped you would. But you had learned, not to respect the creature, but instead that your previous beliefs were correct- playing up to them was your best chance at escape. 


	8. 08- Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both you and Kylo apologise for what happened, but something else much worse is on the horizon

After waking, you continued to sit on the floor, not even sure you _could_ stand. Your entire body was aching, and there was a sharp throbbing in your head, forcing your eyes half-shut with the pain. Everything went so wrong so quickly, a few days ago Kylo was being nice to you, he even acted as if he cared about you- but now? He had turned so quickly, but then again so had you, could you blame him? You had grown so angry at the revelation that he was in fact recruiting you, but you should have known provoking the evil murderer wouldn't end well.

Not that it mattered anyway, you had resolved to apologise when he next visited you; not because you felt bad, but because you wanted to be back on his good side- that and the floor was somehow more uncomfortable than your block of a bed. 

Even Hux didn't stop by like he usually did. Food was still delivered by a stormtrooper, but the General was nowhere to be seen. You thought he was probably busy, or Ren had warned him to stay away. You sat there, picking at your food, still not keen to eat it, but not reacting like you had before. You'd behave, even if you really didn't want to. Everyone in the First Order seemed to have more than just an ego, and by playing up to them you'd have the best chance of getting off this ship.

~~~~~~~~

Kylo Ren sat in his chambers, running his hands through his hair. He was stressed, and after a short visit to the ship's bridge where he wrecked some non-essential control panels, he had retired early to his chambers. The second the door shut behind him, he threw his mask into the nearest wall, causing a rather noticeable hole. He would have it fixed later, he thought, sat at his desk, pulling at the knots in his hair with calloused fingers. It wasn't easy, dealing with people, especially ones like you. 

You had been so well behaved, what went wrong? He couldn't find Hux anywhere, so he knew he had done something wrong. You'd said he told you everything, but that simply wasn't true; Hux didn't know everything about you, he barely knew the start of it. You were misinformed, believing that he was completely and utterly evil, even when Kylo himself knew he wasn't. 

Despite _wanting_ to believe he was a monster like you had said, he could feel the conflict in himself, growing with every passing day. It had become all the more noticeable when you arrived, he couldn't kill you, couldn't find the ability to take your life. You were a setback, and his Master was right- you had fulfilled your use, you were expendable now. Even in your cell, where you misbehaved and refused to listen to him, he couldn't kill you. Lying there by his feet, mouth full of blood, your body curled up in a useless attempt at protection, he should've ended it all- but something stopped him. 

He sighed and tugged at the roots of his hair. He needed to stop this. 

You'd cried in front of him before, weak and pathetic like all of his prisoners, but in the cell you didn't. You were brave, even Hux wasn't that strong when Kylo was throwing him around. huh cried a lot, actually, an embarrassing amount, but you didn't. Why? Were you truly that courageous? Maybe he'd make a fighter out of you yet, that would be nice, then you'd be no different to everyone else and he could finally find it in him to kill you. He had to prove his commitment to the dark side, that meant not allowing little brats who threw their food to live.

~~~~~~~~

He decided to pay you a visit.

You had fallen asleep again after barely touching your food. When the door opened, you woke up, almost out of instinct. Seeing Kylo stood there, you panicked, quickly picking up your tray and forcing down as much food as possible in the hopes of pleasing him. It made you feel sick, and you couldn't force it down, pretty much throwing up all you had just eaten. It wasn't your intention, and you heard Kylo hum, almost disapprovingly.

"What did you do that for?"

"I'm sorry, I wanted to prove I was eating. I'm sorry." You couldn't bring your eyes off the pile of chewed mush on the floor. 

"You're sorry? You didn't seem sorry before."

"I am, I shouldn't have done that."

Kylo knelt, once again wearing his mask he allowed his eyes to study you without your knowledge. You looked weak again, the temporary anger was gone, that was good at the very least. He outstretched a hand and lifted your chin to look at him,

"Don't worry about the food, I'm much more concerned by your little outburst."

"I wasn't thinking, when Hux told me what you were I-"

"Shhh, I know, but General Hux was wrong, I'm not completely the monster you think I am."

"But you do kill people, you do hurt them?"

"I remain in control of the people under me, if they disobey I don't have a choice."

You looked down, his hand still holding up your head. You were in so much pain, and your heart felt crushed. 

"I wanted to be wrong about you, to believe that you were good."

"Why?"

"So I didn't have to hate you, so I didn't have to confront you."

He chuckled, low and dark. The modifier in his mask made it sound almost sinister, 

"I believe it's too late for that."

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"Stop apologising," He let your chin go, but you still didn't look away, "Now you've learned your lesson, I'll take you to the medical room."

You nodded, letting him help you to your feet. Your legs wobbled, but you managed to stand.

"Perhaps it would be better if I carried you," Kylo mumbled, watching you take a few shaky steps towards the door.

"Maybe..." You stumbled back, and Kylo was quick to grab you.

Spinning you around, he lifted his hand and placed the palm to your forehead. You knew what came next, closing your eyes and submitting to the sleep, vaguely registering the feeling of Kylo Ren lifting you up as if you weighed nothing. 

~~~~~~~~

By the time Kylo's forced sleep wore off, you had already been treated by the med-droid. Nothing major, your ankle had been re-bandaged and from what you can tell you'd been bathed. That made your mind stutter, imagining Kylo stood there, watching as your sleeping body lay in the bath. 

Speaking of Ren, he was nowhere to be seen. Not that he was supposed to stay with you while you recovered, but you would've liked to thank him. You reminded yourself that you were definitely not the most important person on the ship, but you still would've appreciated him staying.

Here you was again, trying to force the thought of him out of your mind. You were only behaving to gain the advantage, you had to tell yourself that over and over- not quite believing it. Truthfully, you liked the way Kylo treated you when you behaved, but you didn't like that you liked it. You were not going to befriend your captor like some sick, twisted romance novel would have you do. The term 'Stockholm syndrome' fronted in your mind and you cringed, remembering your place and refusing to dwell on the thought. 

After a little while of sitting around, you grew bored and decided to get up. The med-droid hadn't been to see you, and you didn't like what you thought about with nothing to distract you. Maybe you'd take yourself back to your cell, or go and find Kylo, or Hux. Then you thought about escaping, you didn't see any troopers manning the door. 

You went for it, slipping out of bed and walking barefoot down the corridors. You didn't know the way out, and for the most part you were wandering aimlessly. If anyone found you, you'd tell them you'd gotten lost, that wasn't a hard thing to do on the ship. Everywhere looked the same, aside from the small numbers on the doors that meant nothing to you. 

Maybe if you found the rooms with the smallest numbers, you could find the exit. That made sense, didn't it? To have the doors nearest to the exit be marked with the lowest numbers. That's how you'd have done it, and it was the only lead you had.

Counting down, you began to grow more and more nervous. You were still wearing the jumpsuit that you were given, but you wore nothing on your feet. You'd look mad, walking through the woods with no shoes- you'd sound even madder when people asked where you had been for the past who-knows-how-long. Still, it was better than staying aboard.

~~~~~~~~

Finally, you found door '1', and there, you saw it. The exit. It was shut, which didn't surprise you. They probably didn't want any strangers walking up the ramp and onto the ship. You found the control panel to the door and started pushing buttons, not understanding the strange language the buttons were labeled with. Sure, they could speak English, but writing in it was out of the question. 

You pushed every button you could, but for some reason the door wouldn't open. Frowning you approached the small window on the door, which was covered with a lid. You lifted it, expecting to see the same woods you had found the ship in, but instead...

...space...

Black, empty space, dotted with stars. In any other situation, you would have found it beautiful, glowing with magic and so full of life, but instead you screamed. No. This can't be right, you can't be in space! You had to go home! You slammed your fist against the door, continuing to yell at what you were seeing. You were flying through _space_ , on a _spaceship_. Now what were you going to do?!


	9. 09- Where in the world am I?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo, Hux and Snoke form a plan

"Y/N!" 

You turn to see Hux hurrying towards you, pulling you away from the door,

"What do you think you're doing? You're lucky the door stops working whilst we're flying or you'd be dead by now!"

You didn't have the energy to speak. You felt lost, utterly hopeless as Hux escorted you back to your cell.

"Ren was looking for you, are you alright?"

You nodded, even though you weren't alright. You sighed shakily, trying to compose yourself, not wanting to give away what you were trying to do.

The door to your cell opened and you saw a new bed in place of the old, destroyed one. Under other circumstances, maybe you would've been happy to see that, but it only made you want to cry more. You were stuck now, with no way to get back down to Earth. Hux left you, warning you that Ren would be stopping by any minute, but you didn't listen.

Instead, you curled up on your new bed and cried. Burying your face into your arm to muffle any noise, you let out all that you were feeling. So small, and lost, and desperate to go home. You felt like a lost child or some sort of stray kitten that had wandered into the wrong part of town. 

You wanted to go home. 

The only thing that made you stop crying was the familiar, heavy stomping of Kylo Ren as he approached your cell. You wiped your eyes and tried to steady your breathing, not knowing what Kylo would say if he caught you. 

"Miss L/N, do you feel better?"

"A little," You lied, sniffing,

"You've been crying," Kylo came closer, "Why?"

"It's nothing."

He almost believed you, but when he used a single hand to cup your face, you couldn't help but let more tears fall, melting into his gloved hand as he hummed,

"Poor girl, tell me what's wrong,"

"I saw out of the window, we're-"

"In space? Is that what's bothering you so much? Don't be silly," His tone was hard to register through the voice modifier, almost mocking but not quite.

"I want to home, please."

"You know I can't do that," Kylo let his hand fall, "I can't let you go, little one, you're mine now." 

You turned away, ashamed by your tears, hurriedly swiping them away as a way of composing yourself. Kylo hummed again, 

"My Master thinks your planet is worthless, too out of the way and uninvolved in our affairs, but _you-_ he thinks _you_ are quite remarkable."

"Why?" You were interested again,

"Your balance between the light and dark. There used to be a group of Jedi who were similar to you, but they no longer exist. We could use your balance, a go between us and the Resistance."

"I don't understand, I... I don't-"

You didn't get a chance to ask questions, Kylo was already gone. You were left confused and still upset. You used the long sleeves of your jumpsuit to dry your face properly, readying yourself for whatever came next.

~~~~~~~~

Kylo Ren rarely acted like this. He felt his guard dropping, his heart quivering. You poor thing, helpless and scared. You'd seen what he had done, and where he expected anger, he got sadness. 

He knew it would upset you if the ship took off, which is why he did it whilst you were sleeping. The rocking of the ship as it ascended would have alerted you, and you were more likely to fight back if you believed you stood a chance. It was too late now, you were already floating above the Earth's atmosphere, out of their view.

Snoke would not have any more people discovering them, not until he knew what he wanted to do with the planet. They weren't developed enough to provide weapons for the First Order, nor were their people particularly fascinating or skilled in some way. Snoke almost ordered to have the planet destroyed, but Kylo argued otherwise. 

If they could find Earth, so could the Resistance. 

You had said it yourself, humans looked a lot like some species, and for a lot of the Resistance, it mean they could easily blend in. It was the perfect spot for a new Resistance base. 

The Resistance had been quite as of late, a few hide-outs here and there that were quickly take care of; a couple of lone ships tried their hand at fighting, but they were losing. They needed to re-group, all their strengths combined if they even wanted to stand a chance; somewhere out of the way, past the First Order's reaches- somewhere exactly like Earth.

Kylo thought about it as he patrolled the ship, vaguely heading in the direction of the bridge, hoping to see some sort of plan awaiting him when he arrived. Of course Hux was in charge of coming up with a way to exploit Earth, but Ren already distrusted whatever Hux had in mind.

"Commander?" 

Ren turned, only to be met with the General,

"General Hux, have you done it?"

"The plan, sir? Yes, but we realised- we need Y/N."

Kylo sighed, sensing already just how impossible that would be. You'd never agree, Ren knew that, so did Hux,

"But I thought of that, and I have come up with an idea,"

"Go on."

"Not here, Snoke wants me to run through the plan with him as well." Hux looked off in the direction of the room where Snoke's hologram would be waiting. 

Kylo nodded, taking the lead, reminding Hux that while this was his plan, he was still in charge. Hux kept his head down, following the shadow along the corridors, staring back at his own face in the marbled floors.

Snoke was already flickering, eager to hear what the General had to say. He was leaning forward slightly, towering over Hux and Ren, who had removed his mask out of politeness.

Hux watched Kylo out of the corner of his eye, it was always curious to see him without the mask, his real face, full of expressions and feelings. He heard Snoke shift on his throne and turned back to face him,

"Supreme Leader, we have a way of destroying the Resistance for good,"

"That is why I'm here, General. Continue."

"If we use the girl, she can give the Resistance the idea of using Earth as a base. Once they set up on the planet, we'll destroy them."

Kylo smiled, not entirely menacingly, more amused by Hux's clear enthusiasm.

"She'll never agree to be used like that, she'd never betray her own planet." Snoke frowned, unimpressed

"She doesn't trust me yet," Kylo interrupted, "She's already upset."

"But if you get her to trust you, Ren, maybe she'd do it."

"Trust me?"

General Hux was grinning. He rarely had truly brilliant ideas like these, and he always delighted in the moments where those ideas did strike him. He was holding a pile of papers, and began flicking through them as he spoke,

"If you earned her trust, befriended her, there's the possibility she'd do what you asked."

"Possibility?" Snoke shifted forward more, head tilted at the General, "You want the Commander of the First Order to befriend a girl because it's _possible_ it might work. My apprentice is above such things; General, you'll do it."

"With all due respect, Supreme Leader, she already has more of a connection with him than me."

That did nothing to ease the tension in the room. Kylo furrowed his brow. Meetings always stressed him out.

"Kylo, is this true? Do you have a connection with her?"

"Yes, my Master, but barely." He watched Snoke's expression grow more furious, "I see her more than General Hux does."

"This mission, It's dangerous. You must remember yourself, my apprentice, befriend the girl, but do not let her befriend you."

"Yes Master, I won't fail you." 

Ren bowed his head and put the mask back on, allowing himself to look displeased once he knew nobody could see him. 

Both Ren and Hux left together, the General much happier with the outcome than Kylo,

"I know this will work," He says, still sorting through his papers, "Do you know what you need to do?"

"No. Friendships aren't something I make a habit of, General."

Hux frowned at that, "I made a list of things that 'humans' like, I'll have it delivered to your quarters." 

Ren ignored him, leaving Hux at a cross-roads, storming the other way in your direction. 


	10. 10- Room service

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren gives you a gift

Kylo couldn't help it. Looking at you sleeping on the new bed he had brought for you was just a little too _much_... It was off, the way he stood there and watched you, still and silent and uncertain. He hated being uncertain, and nothing made him more unsure than you did. You were too complex for him, too much for him to wrap his mind around. You made him feel like he was treading on egg-shells, circling you, too scared to go in and really dig into you psyche. 

He spent a few moments trying to understand you until it made his head hurt. He wanted to see you with his own eyes, half-expecting to see something completely different when he took off his helmet and tucked it under his arm. You looked completely the same, but it felt so raw, so _natural_ to be looking at you like this. He muttered to himself, liking the way his voice sounded without his vocoder, imagining that you were listening to him- even if he knew that you weren't.

Eventually, he left your cell and went back to his own quarters, putting his mask back on before removing it again in the safety of his room. Truth be told, he knew he didn't need to wear it, but he felt less like him without it. That mask was his security, without it he felt lost, too much like his former self. He set the mask down on his desk, sitting down and studying the list Hux had written.

Kylo furrowed his brow, things like these were not his speciality and it didn't seem to be Hux's either. He hunched over his desk, brushing his hair out of his face and trying to comprehend what he was supposed to do. The list read as follows,

The plan 

\- Give the girl a room of her own

-Let her out more

-Take her on trips

-Phasma says that girls like flowers?

Kylo ripped the paper in two, leaving it on his desk and standing up. This had to be a joke. Flowers? Trips? Rubbing his face, Kylo tried to wake up from whatever surreal nightmare he was having. He was not prepared for this, nothing could prepare for this. He decided to at least go along with it, even if he disagreed. He fasten his mask back on his head and left to go arrange your new room, glaring at Hux beneath the mask when they passed each other in the hall.

~~~~~~~~

Your new bed wasn't any comfier than your old one, but that didn't surprise you. You got up and saw General Hux stood there, the door open and two stormtroopers were waiting outside. You groaned,

"Where are you dragging me to now?"

"They're not going to drag you anywhere, come on." 

You complied, nervously approaching the troopers and flinching when one got too close.

"Don't touch her, she'll come on her own."

They let you, and you were relieved, following Hux who silently led you deeper into the ship. The doors became less and less frequent, indicating that the rooms were getting bigger. The troopers walked either side of you, ever so gently nudging you when you turned a corner or you happened to wander sideways. It was a silent reminder that you were in fact their prisoner, even if something inside you thought different, hoping, praying that Kylo had seen sense and you were being led to a way off this ship and back home.

That isn't what you saw, however, but you weren't exactly disappointed. You knew better than to believe he would let you go, but that doesn't mean you weren't happy with what you saw.

A room.

Your own room. 

You gasped when you stepped through the door, instantly running in and pouring over every surface. It was beautiful, sleek, black with the slightest hints of red in the decor. The First Order was still very much present, in the very atmosphere, looming over you as you left the living area to check out the bedroom and bathroom- which Hux called the 'refresher'. You could almost forget about that, the evil and darkness that almost suffocated you in your cell, because the luxury and glamour of the room smothered it ten-folds. 

Taking a final sweep of your new room, you looked back at Hux, half expecting him to laugh darkly and reveal the whole thing as some cruel joke. But he didn't, instead he smiled and nodded to confirm your thoughts,

"It's all yours, courtesy of the commander himself,"

" _Kylo_ did this?" You almost don't believe it, glancing at the brilliant bouquet of red and black lilies on the kitchen counter. 

"He thought you would like it." Hux paused, uncertain, "You do like it, don't you?"

"Like it? It's beautiful!" You couldn't contain your excitement, you were never one for expensive things, but after so long in a cell you could've cried. "Tell Kylo I said thank you."

There was silence for a moment before somebody else joined you,

"Why don't you tell me yourself?" Kylo had entered the room, a shadow of menacing black that almost muddied the environment.

You took no notice of that though, and instead you ran up to him and wrapped your arms around his large torso. 

Kylo froze, tensed, then relaxed and reciprocated your hug with a few gentle pats on the head. 

He felt warm, and comfortable beneath the layers of fabric. So human and alive. You pulled away almost regretfully and looked up at him,

"Thank you."

"Do you like the flowers?" He ignores you, awkwardly shifting his weight from one foot to the other,

"They're lovely,"

"I thought maybe I should start treating you with some dignity- you've earned it."

You nodded, turning around and sitting down on the soft plush sofa, sprawling out into the most comfortable position you could. It was so foreign, this comfort, this softness. The medical room beds were like glass compared to this. 

"If you continue to behave, I have another surprise prepared for you," Kylo stepped closer, you could feel the strain in his voice, but you didn't know what he was trying to do- or prevent himself from doing, "You will behave, won't you?"

"Yes Kylo," You looked up at him, for a moment you me this eyes through his visor, but you didn't know that,

"From now on, it's commander to you."

"Yes commander." 


	11. 11- The mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the title says, it's finally time for Kylo Ren to remove his mask...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I hope you like this chapter :D xx

You adjusted quickly to your new 'quarters', as both the Commander and Hux called them. You weren't given anything to do, quite honestly, and there was still limited freedoms, but at least you were allowed a bath. 

You would wake each morning to a tray of food on the kitchen counter, eat, dress and lounge around until the evenings when you could bathe and eat dinner in the comfort of the cotton pyjamas that filled the majority of the dresser in your bedroom. There were the occasional visits from Hux, Ren, or sometimes the mysterious Captain Phasma who would blind you with her polished armour as she tried to give you some basic understanding of how to fight.

Who knows _why_ you needed to know how to fight, but somebody had decided that Phasma needed to shape you into some sort of soldier, not that you were much good at it. 

Mostly, Phasma would turn up, try and instruct you on one move or the next, you would try it out, fail _miserably,_ and then proceed to stress out the Captain until she couldn't take it anymore. You were hopeless, but at least you managed to avoid actually having to fight anyone. It wasn't like anyone aboard the ship would have any reason to attack you.

Speaking of the ship, you were getting used to the lack of changes each day, the constant routine was one you felt no need to adjust, it was simple, easy, relaxing. Hux would take any requests you had and pass them through Kylo, who you realised quite quickly, rarely said no to you. Except from the time you requested a ship to escape with, of course. But usually, you got what you wanted, from body washes that smelt just like home, to more bouquets like the one that had come with your quarters. Kylo must have been stinking rich, or he at least had access to the First Order bank account. 

Kylo visited you sometimes, but not as frequently as Hux. He normally sent messages through the General, rather than delivering them himself. You didn't mind that too much, but you had grown to tolerate his presence somewhat, even if you still weren't completely comfortable staring into the empty abyss of his mask. Did he ever take it off? You asked Hux about it a lot, but he always refused to answer, any hints he gave were too vague to clearly paint a picture, and the stormtroopers that delivered your meals or requested items were too frightened of the Commander to indulge you. You felt out of the loop, even if you had been granted more luxury than most on board; you were lacking in knowledge of their world, how the systems worked, what names and faces were important. It was selfish of you to look past the gifts they had given you, but it was equally selfish of them to hold you so close to them but yet too far, almost dangling between friend and foe.

~~~~~~~~

The most exciting part of your day was when you would decide to take a walk around the ship. You knew it was called the Finalizer, but that felt too forbidding and evil on the tongue. The _ship_ was much more generalised, and it felt more like a fantasy when you spared yourself of the very real details. You wandered down the identical corridors, coming to recognise them, not from appearance, but from the numbers on the doors. You still got lost a lot, and you realised maybe you should ask for a map, but you were always more caught up with asking for something else to remember. Instead, you walked almost blindly, up and down until you ran into a familiar face to escort you back to your quarters, or you found something interesting to look at. 

The most interesting place was by far the bridge. You didn't go there often, because Hux always glared at you as you stood there, gawking at space. After coming to terms with your new home, you had seen the beauty in it all. Just like before, when you would sit in your bedroom, gazing through the window. All those stars, blinking and sparkling. You were closer to them now, if the ship so much as drifted on a little further, you could reach out and touch them. It was glorious, and magnificent, yet something about it saddened you. You couldn't place it exactly, perhaps it was the sour memories, perhaps it was the fact you could no longer dream about what was right before you, but something about it was undeniably _heartbreaking._

Nobody else seemed to share your enthusiasm, probably because they were used to it, and they were never best pleased to see you on the bridge. Hux escpecially, he sighed when you arrived, and would tut at the handprints you left on the glass, pressed up against it as you looked out. 

"Don't touch anything," He says, pulling you away from a control panel. You smiled up at him, and for a moment, his sternest faltered, but not for long.

"I wish I could stay up here with you," You say, observing the next lot of switches and buttons, "Or do you think Kylo would build a window in my quarters?"

"It's Commander to you, and even if he did, you would only see the next room over."

You sighed, matching the half frustrated, half bored tone that Hux used. The General pinched the bridge of his nose and shooed you away, mumbling something about exploring elsewhere or bothering someone else. You listened, leaving the bridge and turning a corner into a section of the ship you had not yet scoured. 

It was lighter down that corridor, either because it was actually brighter, or you had imagined it, but it was certainly lighter. You heard the same click your shoes always made and looked down, staring at your own perplexed face in the reflection. Every time you explored somewhere new, you got the same bubbly feeling in your stomach, nerves rising with each step into the unknown. You could never shake the excitement as (to your equal parts amazement and despair) you noticed that the doors no longer had numbers. No numbers meant no way of navigating, and that was almost terrifying, but you ventured on. What rooms would require no numbers? They were either important or unfinished, but why would they fly an unfinished ship? You stopped walking to ponder it, when the whooshing noise of a door opening caught your attention.

"Y/N, what are you up to?"

"Commander Ren?" You stumbled back, just a little. He was stood there, looming, but his mask was not on. It was tucked under his arm, and his face was exposed.

You lowered your head, wanting desperately to look, but knowing better than to. He didn't speak, and that worried you. You had spotted the hilt of his sabre where it always was, and you waited for it's crackling- but it never came.

Kylo Ren was still silent.

You looked up, out of sheer curiosity, almost certain he would've killed you by now if he wanted to. Long, black, thick, hair caressed his face. His skin was pale in colour, but not as pasty as General Hux's. His features radiated warmth, and almost kindness. If he were as generous as his nose and his swirling amber eyes, he would certainly be the most generous man in the universe. For he was a man, you saw that clear as day. Something moved inside of you, as you took in his luminous, angular, radiant face, so silky and sullen and silent. His lips, which looked soft and were rosy in colour, didn't move. The only movement was the slight flare in his nostrils as he breathed, pace quicker than usual- nervous. Unsure. 

He was human. 

Bowing your head, you turned to leave. Your heart was racing, pounding, but you didn't think it was the possibility of punishment that beckoned it to move so quickly. If he was human, then he lacked the humanity he should have. He lacked everything bar the looks, and he had no excuse to be the way he was. If he had been some grotesque creature, maybe you could excuse it, chalk it up to being in his nature, but he was like you- and yet... He was still Kylo Ren. He had no reason to be himself. 

Kylo Ren still didn't talk, only replaced his mask and strode past you, not giving either of you time to acknowledge what had occurred. You were angry, disgusted, and mortified by your own liking of what you had seen. He was evil, and his human features exemplified that, his beauty only made it sting more, hurt more, tear you apart more than any other look would have. So glossy, and perfect- so hateful and cruel.

You collected yourself, deciding to think about this over a bath and a cup of tea- hot and sweet like you always had it when you were upset. The unmarked doors would have to be opened another day, a much more interesting door had been flung open right in your face, and you were impatient to go through. 


	12. 12- A sample of something bigger

Quickly, you hurried back to your quarters. Your feet were slipping on the floor, heart pounding as you ran as fast as you could, pelting back to the safety of your room before anyone stopped to try and talk to you. 

You ran inside your quarters and into your bedroom. You weren't exactly _panicking,_ but you were massively confused. Kylo Ren was human and he was _handsome_. That almost made you feel sick, the idea that you weren't repulsed by his looks. You should be, you definitely should be repulsed, and you definitely should not be enticed by him. God, something very, very bad was happening to you. Why? Why are you feeling this? You sat on your bed and buried your face into your pillow. Your face was hot, blood rushing to your face and creeping up the back of your neck. 

This was, potentially, worse than being kidnapped in the first place. How would you ever look at him again? You groaned, rolling onto your back and trying to block out the image of Kylo Ren, standing there, looming, face sullen and inviting. You wanted to reach out and touch his skin, imagining how it would feel, how he would react to your touch. 

You had to do something about this.

~~~~~~~~

Kylo threw his helmet against the wall. He was fuming, jarred by the experience and trying desperately not to lose his mind. He hadn't planned on showing you his face. He had never planned on even showing you a glimpse. He slammed his fist on his desk and tried to reign in his anger. You would have to be dealt with, somehow. For a brief moment, he reached for his lightsaber and thought about killing you, but it passed. Snoke and Hux would never allow it, not that you were used to taking orders from the ginger general. Snoke maybe, but not Hux. 

No, he had to do something else. Killing you wouldn't work, but Kylo Ren didn't know much else outside of violence. He ran his hands through his hair- what had you thought about his looks? Hang on, he didn't mean that. He didn't care about what you thought about him. However, despite that, he did visit his refresher and run a comb through his hair before he left his quarters again.

You were certainly a strange thing. He had so rarely thought about his appearance, but you made him think about the way he looked. Why? Why did you make him worry? He got a few funny looks from the stormtroopers as he passed, unmasked properly with his helmet no where in sight, but that didn't bother him. Your face when you saw him, however, that made him writhe in nerves. Your mouth was opened slightly, eyes wide, glowing with wonder in a way he had never seen before. He was struggling, and with each step he regretted leaving his mask in his room more and more. 

~~~~~~~~

You fell asleep after a little while, barely, slipping between being asleep and awake, but it was better than staring at the ceiling and wanting to tear your own eyes out. You rolled around atop the covers until you heard a knock on the door. Expecting Hux or a trooper with your meal, you got up and groggily made your way to the door. Instead, you were met with a face that you had sworn never to see again.

Kylo Ren.

"Y/N, I came to apologise."

"For what?" You scratched the back of your neck, trying not to look. It was so easy, to meet his eyes and study his features, but you didn't. You looked away, trying to steady your breathing. 

"I'm not sure exactly, but I feel like I should apologise."

He entered your quarters and sat down on the sofa, you followed, sitting beside him, but far enough away so you weren't even remotely touching.

"I don't mind you seeing my face," He leant over and held your chin, tilting your head and forcing you to look at him. His hands were still gloved, and the feel of leather was so familiar as you were met with new eyes, hopeful eyes. 

You were reminded suddenly of his evil, and you pulled away,

"I don't like looking at you, I'd prefer it if you kept the mask on." You got up, composing yourself, a part of you was crying out for you to stop, to look a while longer, but you saw the blade hanging from his belt and you knew it was the same monster sat before you.

The mask was not what made him evil, that was his own fault. No amount of beauty could dampen that, only cause you to forget for a mere second. 

"I see," His voice was softer when not passing through the vocoder, so soft and human. You could almost feel it in the air, dancing and worming its way into your ears. Your heart keened. "I have something planned for you, be ready." He stood, and made his way for the door.

"And who said I would do as you say?" You challenged him, frustrated by the way he affected you, 

"I did, remember your place, Y/N."

You saw it was no use and apologised, "Sorry Commander."

He hummed, fingers playing with the ends of his hair. You watched him and your hands reached out of their own accord, walking towards him, you barely grazed the tips before he flinched away. His hair was soft, softer than you imagined, and it melted through your fingers smoothly.

Kylo Ren paused, and you dared to step closer. Your hands made for his hair again, and seeing that you weren't going to hurt him, he let your hands come. Your fingers ran through whatever hair he could, but you were careful not to touch his face. You felt as if it would burn you, he was so dangerous, even this made you quiver slightly. It felt so natural, even if both of you had never done something like this before. Kylo looked down and you, and slowly his hands curled around your wrists, gently pulling you from his hair. He held your hands between the two of you, hovering in space, kind and yet a warning that he was still in control. You slipped your hands from his grasp and caught his fingers, clutching around the leather. His hands were large, and you were holding a finger in each hand, like a child, looking up at his eyes. 

His pupils were dilated, his eyes sparkling with magic. He moved closer, dangerously close, his robes brushing against your legs. Any closer and your chests would collide, not that you thought it would be a and thing if they did. 

"Commander-" 

"Your behaviour has improved significantly since you've been given your quarters." His voice was still professional, "Perhaps it is praise and not punishment that is the way to your heart." His word choice was deliberate, the double meaning making you stumble over your words.

You couldn't think of what to reply with, all that you could manage was a "Yes Commander..."

"Good, you're learning, little one."

He leant down, and for a moment you though he was going to kiss you, but he didn't. He closed the gap, but not completely, and you weren't brave enough to finish it for him. You waited, leaning forward ever so slightly to invite him to do the same, but he shook his head,

"No. Not yet." Kylo pulled away, holding your chin with a bent finger and smiling, "Hux will visit soon, I'm sure you won't mention this."

You nod, silent and desperate to continue what must have been a dream. Kylo didn't say anything else, just left, the door shutting behind him. You stood in your quarters for a good few minutes, wobbling with uncertainty, blood rushing to your face at an alarming rate. Your mouth hung open, as if you were in fact kissing somebody, eyes wide and glazed with amazement. 

This was new.


	13. 13- Come with me

You stayed in your room as much as possible after your encounter. Was it shyness? Embarrassment? Nobody else would know, nobody else _could_ know, you were alone in your room with Kylo Ren- not in the middle of a hallway. Kylo Ren would never admit anything he had done, that would jeopardise his position as well as yours, you doubted anyone would be impressed by his actions. 

Instead of daring to venture out and confront what had happened, you isolated yourself more than usual, not even going on your walks around the ship. You had your meals delivered by troopers who didn't care enough to ask how you were doing, and Hux was too- well he was Hux. He was more concerned with his hair than you, he only stopped by to make sure you weren't dead or planning some sort of daring escape. Oh, and he was reliable when it came to delivering you your 'human books' as he called them, dropping them on your coffee table and always asking what enjoyment you found in them. 

It might not have been the most exciting or the most enjoyable way to spend your days, but it was better than facing Kylo Ren. The vision of those brief moments never let you, as you curled up beneath the covers of your bed, you could almost see him, tall and large and eyes glowing with wonder as he leant down. Your heart would leap up each time, a hot flush engulfing you almost instantly as you remembered how his hair had felt tumbling through your fingers.

~~~~~~~~

This was certainly getting out of hand. 

Kylo stormed off of the bridge, Hux reluctantly following behind him. The General's face had paled considerably, it looked almost hollow with worry as he was escorted down the halls like a child who had been naughty.

Hux tried not to make noise as he walked, facing the floor and desperately trying to silence his breathing out of fear that Kylo would force him to stop breathing if he didn't stop himself.

"I hope, General, that this is some sick joke that Phasma has put you up to." Kylo stated, turning a corner and glaring at him for a brief moment.

Hux didn't reply, only followed Kylo down yet more stretches of corridor.

The two reached a door, and Hux stepped forward to open it, letting them both inside. It was a dark, shadowy room, with a few chairs and a desk spread out before them. The most interesting aspect of the room were the monitors, several lined up and piled atop of each other, displaying what the cameras saw. The officer who had been monitoring the cameras saw the worried look on Hux's face and scurried out, not even daring to look in Kylo's direction.

"I'm afraid, sir, that it's not a joke." Hux sat down and pressed a few buttons.The screens changed from real-time to the past, several shutting off as Hux fixated on the one room he wanted- your quarters. 

More specifically, your open-plan living area that was monitored for not only your safety, but for the safety of the First Order. If Hux had it his way, there would be cameras in your bedroom and refresher too, but that had been deemed 'inappropriate' for some reason.

Kylo shifted where he stood, knowing all too well what date and time Hux was looking for. He knew what he would see on the screen, and controlled himself enough so as to not break the thing completely. It was no use trying to hide it, the General had confessed to seeing it already, all he could do was bear with the humiliation as he was showed exactly what had been captured.

He should have known that somebody was watching, but he was too wrapped up in his own mind, his own feelings as you stood there, stroking his hair with your small, soft hands. So gentle, so kind, so attentive, so beautiful. This was your fault, really. You had distracted him. 

The General gave a content hum as he clicked on the video, playing it in silence. Ren saw himself, bare faced, stood motionless as you played with his hair. Then he saw himself grow closer to you, touch you, lean down to almost press his lips against yours. He saw the way you keened for it, begging silently, and he saw his own mouth form words he couldn't hear. 

"Not yet." Is that what he had said? "Not yet" implied that it would eventually happen, and Kylo hoped that Hux could not read lips. Even if he couldn't, he had been embarrassed enough, and he was appalled to see the recording was still going.

Kylo had left, leaving you alone. You didn't move, your lips parted, chest heaving, eyes glazed over with pure magic and wishfulness. Then came in Hux a while after, and you were forced back out of your dream. You were shaking, trembling, and Kylo felt pity for the briefest of moments. It had been cruel to dangle you over the edge like that, not giving you what you so craved, but he also enjoyed it. The little game, still being able to exert control when you made him feel so out of his depth.

Hux, however, was less pleased.

"I don't believe this was part of the mission, Ren."

"It was," he lied, "I'm getting her to trust me."

"No where in the list did it say to romance her," Hux replied, cold as stone,

"You want me to treat her? To gain her trust? Romance is implied in that, surely?"

"Maybe Supreme Leader Snoke could decide that for us, I'm sure he'd like to see this." Hux moved to send the recording to Snoke, fingers hovering over the button,

"Don't!" Kylo commanded, too sharply then he would have liked.

"No?"

"Don't- I have full authority to do as I like on this ship."

"And I have full authority to report any misconduct to the Supreme Leader." Hux retracted his hand, but his eyes warned Kylo that he wasn't lying.

"Why show me this? I'm aware of my own actions."

"Because, Ren, I want this victory _soon._ You'regettingdistracted by this girl."

"I am doing what I must." Kylo crossed his arms, "What else is there to do?"

"Taking her out would be a start, see if she can garner the attention of any Rebel spies."

Kylo sighed and, beneath his mask, pulled a face of displeasure, "How does she do that, exactly?"

"She's got a mouth on her, get her to use it." Hux paused for a moment, before retrieving something from his inner greatcoat pocket, "Here, a spy was spotted on Canto Bight, reportedly looking to convert some of our sellers. You can try there."

Kylo almost refused. _Almost_. He didn't want to go to Canto Bight, and he certainly didn't want to bring you there. You'd cause trouble, and given the circumstances, he didn't want to be alone with you if he could avoid it. There was no way of landing the Finalizer there without ruining everything, he'd have to take a transport. The thought of being alone with you, on a transport, with no one else to distract him, made him nervous. 

"Can I bring my knights?"

"Will they remove their stupid helmets?"

"No."

"Then no, you can't, they'd only give you away."

He knew that he would have to go, or the recording would be sent to Snoke and he'd be ruined. Hux smiled smugly at him as he got up to leave, pondering how he could possibly survive this seemingly simple trip. With one final glance to the monitor, he furrowed his brow and marched determinedly to your quarters.

~~~~~~~~

You were laying on your bed, flicking through your newest book when you heard the door opening. There was no clanking noise of stormtrooper armour, nor the annoyed shouts of Hux, so you got up to investigate.

Kylo stood there awkwardly, and so did you. Neither of you spoke at first, until Kylo cleared his throat and dared to guide you towards the sofa so you could both sit down.

"I'm going away for a bit," he explained, "And you're going to accompany me."

"Right..."

"It won't be for long, and I don't want you wasting away in here forever," 

"Where will be going?" You asked, already on board with the idea, mostly because you were missing the fresh air and sunlight. 

"Canto Bight, it's nice, but I'll need to do something for me there."

"Which is?"

"Talk about Earth. As much as you can. We believe there might be others _like_ _you_ on Canto Bight, and we want to find out."

You shuffled in your seat, debating the idea. Kylo didn't say anything else, didn't even mention what had passed, but you got the feeling he was thinking about it. You wanted to do more, to reach out and try again but you were more preoccupied with what was being asked of you to do so.

"Why do you want to find other humans?"

"They interest us, as does your planet."

You nodded slowly, still trying to think of an ulterior motive to this, but you came up empty.

"Alright," You said finally, smiling as you did so, "I'll come."

"I'm glad you agreed, otherwise I'd have to force you," Kylo stood, "I'll collect you tomorrow, don't bother with packing anyhting."

He left quickly and you stayed where you were sat. You treated it like you were going on holiday, not like the man who had kidnapped you was taking you someplace else where you were still very much under his command. A holiday, you could do with one of those, though maybe spending it with Kylo Ren would only make matters worse...


	14. 14- Could it get any worse?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and you take a flight to Canto Bight.

  
Waking early, you took breakfast as usual and waited rather impatiently for Kylo Ren to collect you. Your eyes glanced from the door to the wall several times, desperate for him to take you away. Not that you were eager to go, exactly, you just couldn't wait much longer. Your mind was playing games with you, leading you to believe that wherever you were headed, that it would be terrible, potentially dangerous even. Maybe this was a trap, and he was leading you to your death.

He wouldn't- would he? Not now he'd deemed you 'useful'. You were being used as a way to lead out other humans, not that you were convinced there _were_ humans on Canto Bight. There couldn't be, they must be mistaken.

Not that you'd ever tell Kylo Ren that he was wrong.

If it weren't for the knowledge that you would soon feel a fresh breeze on your skin again, maybe you would refuse to go altogether. You were motivated by the change in scenery, waiting impatiently to see something other than metal for once. 

Eventually, the door opened and Kylo Ren approached,

"Are you ready?" He asks

"As ready as I'll ever be," You bounced your leg nervously, 

"Come then," He turned swiftly on his heel and you followed. 

Your hands were sweating as you silently climbed into the ship. You had been in the landing bay a couple of times, but not for very long. Watching the passing ships made you queasy, as did the frosty rush of air that came and went whenever the door opened. 

The ship wasn't very big, maybe large enough for ten people at most. You overheard Kylo calling it his 'command shuttle', which made this trip feel much less like a holiday than you were trying to make it seem. Nobody else joined you, however, and you thought maybe you could find some lone seat at the back, away from the cockpit, but Kylo gripped you by the wrist and brought you up front with him.

"Can you even fly?" You asked, eyes gazing over the hundreds of buttons, switches and levers.

"Yes." He answered, "Strap yourself in."

You didn't feel very safe, but Kylo seemed to know what he was doing. Quickly, his hands moved over the panels, and the ship started to hover. You clung to the sides of your seat and closed your eyes, not wanting to watch as you left the hangar and entered the black abyss of space. Kylo hummed, and the ship jolted forward, accelerating quickly in one direction for several moments before you dared to open your eyes again. 

The view was much more magnificent than the one from the window, especially as you floated through space, dancing in the void. Alone. Peaceful. You relaxed your grip and turned to Kylo, he was still holding onto the steering, but not forcefully. He seemed relax, perfectly calm in what, to you, was a mind-blowing experience.

"Take it all in, we'll be heading going into hyperspeed soon." He looked down at you through his mask, but you could hear the softness in his voice through the vocoder.

"You don't have to wear that thing around me," You ignored what he said, "I've already seen you."

He nodded curtly and his hands reached up to remove the mask with a hiss and a click. His hair spilled out and for a moment you felt like you had forgotten how to breathe. The stark contrast between his facade and his face was undeniably beautiful and yet horrifying. You blinked and realised that he was rather close to you. Kylo Ren took up a lot of space, and with his legs slightly spread, he was almost touching you. You turned away and forced yourself over in your seat, subtly as you could, not wanting to touch him and end up like before. He wouldn't get to play anymore games with you.

Kylo sat in silence for a minute, you could feel his eyes burning into you, you imagined the shift in the size of his pupils, how they swallowed the amber and then released it again, pure honey and gold. Then you heard him shift, reach over, and more buttons were pressed, more switches were flipped. You looked up just in time to see the black of space shift to a blinding light and the entire ship lurched, speeding quickly through the sudden whiteness without any hesitation. You looked to Kylo, expecting to see him panicked or at least confused by what had happened, but he just smiled down at you.

"I told you we were going into hyperspeed." 

You felt foolish. You knew nothing about the world he lived in, the place he called home and the people he knew. You were so out of your depth, so lost, and now you were heading somewhere new when you were only just used to the Finalizer. You couldn't do this, hopping around, flying, changing location on a whim. Maybe people like Kylo did this a lot, but you certainly couldn't. You missed the sanctuary of your home, the coziness of the four walls that never changed, that never moved or left you stranded. You liked the constant hum of life, you couldn't continue to live in this unplanned mess. Kylo didn't seem bothered, he only ever seemed to care when people disobeyed him. That wasn't fair, was it? To be so selfish as to rip you from your home and only take notice when you kicked up a fuss. He was heartless, really, more so than you would like to admit.

You didn't want to hate him.

~~~~~~~~

Kylo didn't want to like you.

As he looked down at you, he felt an unwanted smile tug at his face. You were so clueless, as you sat there terrified in your seat. You had turned your body away from him some time ago, which displeased him. Even the slightest touch from you would satisfy him, but you were denying him that luxury. Not that he would say anything or ask for you to move back. This mission was for work, and he would never allow himself to slip up again, not like he had done before, in your quarters. Those cameras, he never wanted them in the first place, but Hux insisted. It was his fault, for being nosy, for prying into things that didn't concern him. What Kylo got up to with you was none of the General's business, though now he knew he had to be careful, in case he did ever-

-no. This is a mission. This is work. You are a prisoner. 

But it was difficult, it was very difficult. 

~~~~~~~~

Most of the journey was spent in silence. The diogenic sounds of the ship creaking and beeping was like a tense heartbeat palpitating through the air. It was physically hot inside the cockpit, heat radiating from seemingly nowhere, creating a sort of physical connection between the two of you. After a short while, you came out of hyperspace so you could once again see the environment around you. You shifted periodically in your seat, keeping your seatbelt on even if you were moderately safe. There was nobody in sight, only stars and the ever-growing globe that was the planet you were headed to. 

"Is that Canto Bight?"

"No, that's Cantonica, Canto Bight is a city."

"Oh.. So, that's where we're going?"

"Correct." He said, preparing for descent, "We'll be landing a little while away, you'll have to walk."

"Um ok." You grabbed your seatbelt and readied yourself, not knowing what the landing would be like. You'd never even been on an aeroplane, let alone a spaceship, so you were trembling with nerves. 

Kylo landed with a slight bump in the sand. You stood up shakily and waited for Kylo to follow. He put the mask back on and descended the few metal steps, feet sinking into the sand. In his hand was a big, black case that supposedly held your clothes for the duration of your visit. You followed behind him, somehow surprised that the sand beneath your feet was the same as the ones on the beaches on earth. It was nighttime, and brisk winds were chilling you to the core, the moon above the only visible thing aside from the faint skyline in the distance. You struggled to keep up with Kylo's long strides, especially with the floor shifting and sliding under you. That problem became especially apparent when you had to climb a small sand dune which Kylo could practically stand over with one step. You tried to fight against the moving sands, but Kylo still had to heave you over the peak and hold you steady as you stumbled down the slope. His hands were large and strong, and he held you tight for maybe longer than he should've, even after you were once again on steadier ground.

"Come on, we have to get booked in."

"Are we staying in a hotel?" Your ears picked up at the idea of a hotel room, a since-forgotten luxury. Your quarters were nice, but nothing beat the strange magic behind hotels. 

"Yes. You seem excited."

"I like hotels," You admitted sheepishly.

Kylo hummed and distanced himself from you, once again walking far too fast. As you approached the city of Canto Bight, lights grew more and more plentiful and sand was eventually replaced by concrete and stone. Building amassed along curved, beautiful streets and you found yourself looking around with wonder. The people seemed to be of a different breed, dressed in three-piece suits, decorated with sparkling jewels and most were holding large purses that seemed stuff with money. You felt out of place in your jumpsuit and plain black flats, wandering how exactly this outfit was 'undercover'. Surely something a little more flashy would be appropriate? You looked to Kylo, who whilst dressed in robes, looked perfectly at home. His grandeur and large build was attuned to the large, go-big-or-go-home nature of the city. He raised his chin and led you silently up a cobbled staircase. Laterns were casting amber glows here and there, music seemed to swell from the wind itself and the heavy fragrance of perfume was around every corner. 

You arrived at a large, pale building with pillars that seemed to touch the edge of the atmosphere. Kylo went in first, speaking in a low, demanding voice to the receptionist. They handed a key over nervously, not making eye contact with the brute before them. The two of you entered a lift and went up to the top floor, Kylo holding the key between two fingers. Only one key? Did you not even get your own room? 

The doors opened onto a corridor, and Kylo didn't hesitate to hunt for your room, finding it almost immediately and opening the door for you to go through. You gasped. A modern, white and cream space awaited you. Two beds, each as spacious and littered with pillows as the other; it was nothing like the dark, forbidding quarters back on the Finalizer. You threw yourself onto the bed on the left and sighed, kicking off your shoes and closing your eyes. You could die happy on that bed, but the low hum from Kylo brought you back down from your daydream.

"Are you done? We have work to do."


	15. Chapter 15

Kylo removed his mask and set it on the bed, along with the large black case he had been carrying,

"There are some clothes in the case, get dressed."

"Oh, um, ok..." You open the case and sort through the clothes. There was a wardrobe for everything to be stored in and you started putting everything away. That included Kylo's things, which were surprisingly lavish compared to the seemingly cheap robes he usually adorned. You took out a black dress from the pile and flushed. It was long, with a slit up one leg, low cut, wrapping around the middle creating ripples like waves at midnight. It was incredibly beautiful, though you weren't eager to put it on. It was so different to the plain, modern jumpsuits you had been living in, and especially with Kylo by your side at all times, you didn't want to be seen dead in it. You looked to Kylo, not sure what to say. He nodded, confirming your suspicions and you grimaced.

"Hurry up, little one, the party's already started."

You hurried into the refresher to change, mortified by what you would be wearing. It was so _bold,_ on anyone else it would be gorgeous but you couldn't be too sure about yourself. What if he didn't like the way you looked? What if he made you change back? That would be heartbreaking, you thought, sheepishly changing into the strange garment. It fit you perfectly, and you realised that Kylo must have taken your measurements at some point, that was bad enough, but he clearly thought the dress would suit you, else he would have chosen something else. You looked in the mirror and sighed, you didn't look terrible. That was a relief. A little unusual sure, but you still felt incredibly powerful dressed in such a statement.

Returning from the refresher, you caught Kylo's eye who blinked harshly before looking away. Was he embarrassed? You shrugged and retrieved the black heels from the case, putting them on as quickly as you could. While you were changing, Kylo had dressed as well, albeit he had just removed his outer robes, leaving only the plain black clothing underneath. You felt incredibly overdressed, even as you stepped out into the streets, nobody sparkled like you.

Kylo seemed to not notice, taking your hand and leading you to a bar where you were to start you surveillance.

"Go and get us a drink," he ordered.

"I don't have any money,"

"Just say my name," Kylo smirked, looking away towards a group of people who were laughing over a game of poker.

You got up wordlessly and wandered over to the bar. The party seemed to be in full swing. Music blared from speakers, too loud to even comprehend the words. You bumped into the corner of a roulette table and noticed just how much was being bet. Stacks and stacks of chips, too many to count from just a glance. People here had serious money. You heard a stampede thunder past outside and wobbled, followed shortly by cheering from a crowd. Afterwards, more money was exchanged, little betting slips past to and frow with a smile from some and a frown from others. You weaved though the groups of people and finally made it to the bar, which was surprisingly empty.

"What will it be?" The barkeep asked, already turning their back to you to face the drinks.

"What do you recommend?" You asked, intimidated by the brightly coloured liquids.

"Depends on the person, who are you ordering for?"

"Myself, and Kylo Ren."

The barkeep fell silent. Then he laughed,

"You're a lucky thing, aren't you? Here, he usually gets one of these, and for you one of these." He handed you two drinks, a plum purple one for Kylo and an electric blue one for you, "Don't worry about paying."

You nodded and took the drinks back to the table. Careful not to spill them, you wandered what exactly it was that Kylo Ren drank. Glancing over to make sure he wasn't looking, you raised the wide, squat glass to your lips and sipped the tiniest amount. The flavour was dark and almost smoky, sour with the slightest hint of salt. It tasted how you imagined Kylo himself would taste, moody and almost unlikeable, but with a certain undeniable charm. You carried on walking, before setting the drinks down and sitting opposite Kylo.

He took his drink without thanks, far too busy with looking around to bother with you. You took the first sip of your drink and smiled. This was much sweeter, but with the same richness. You sit across from him, so close yet so far. It's almost impossible to understand just what everyone is else is thinking when they see the two of you together. You didn't know, couldn't fathom how much power Kylo Ren held, and in turn how much you held by being by his side. His little pet, dressed in a dress too expensive to comprehend, acting in a role you didn't know anything about. This was not some holiday, an adventure, this was work. You were working for Ren, for the First Order, you were decorated like some sort of doll, prancing around and doing anything that Kylo Ren would ask of you.

Or were you aware you were working? Did you know that Kylo was exploiting you for his personal gain. Surely you couldn't know, but if you did... Would you care? Maybe it would sting, to find out he never truly cared about you, but still- it wouldn't stop you. You were hungry for his attention. Craving his approval. Begging for his praise. You were utterly delirious, clawing at anything he gave you, scraps of actual affection and yet they satisfied you to no end. It was truly crazy to think somebody could try so hard for nothing, but you still did. Even now, as you sipped away at your free drink, you were all the more enthralled with Ren. The way he hunched over the table, staring down anyone who looked his way. The moments where his gaze met yours was more refreshing than any drink. It was like the first drops of cool water after a decade spent in a desert. His eyes were warm and intricate, yet like water in their deliverance. He was a complex being, and while you watched him, you could feel him watching you, even if his eyes were elsewhere.

Nothing could compare to his aura, the energy that's surrounded him. Nobody was so strong in their presence, not like how he was. Smoke was intimidating, as was Hux, but Kylo had pure _force_ surrounding him in the most angelic and yet sinful way. Like a magnetic field of allure, roping you in, growing in strength the closer you got to him.

"What are you looking at?" He asks, eyes focusing on yours,

"Nothing, just lost in thought."

"Hmm. You should focus, we don't have forever to find them."

"Yes commander." You looked away, embarrassed and tried to hide your feelings by turning your attention to the task at hand.

Humans on Canto Bight. That was impossible, was it not? Then again, you were here, and you were very much real. It was possible, but that didn't make it probable. Still, you almost hoped to find some of your own. You didn't know why, but you wanted to. Maybe it was so you could confirm this was actually happening, and not some long dream you were yet to wake from. That would be devastating, to find this wasn't real. That it was a story. That Kylo Ren was just a picture in your head and nothing more.

You glanced from group to group, looking for any signs of humanity. Everyone looked the same, aside from the physical differences. They were all dressed formally, with slicked hair and straightened ties. Everyone held a glass of some sorts, some fizzling, some crackling, some smoking. People flashed cash on the roulette tables, chips clicked and clacked as they were dished out or handed over. Occasionally yells of excitement or loss were heard periodically, followed by more chips smacking against one another. A drink was spilt over on one table, then came the disgruntled complaints of a gentleman who struck the waitress when they failed to prevent the drink from spilling into his lap. The girl didn't cry out, only apologised and hurriedly carried on mopping up the liquid before any more damage could be caused.

You stood after the incident was resolved and followed the waitress some way away so you were out of earshot of the man,

"Excuse me?" You said, tapping the girl on the shoulder, "Are you alright?"

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" She turned around, one hand clutching her cheek

"Are you ok? I saw what that man did, aren't you hurt?"

"I'm afraid I don't understand, you're asking if _I'm_ ok?"

You stared at her in near-shock, "Yes?"

She lowered the hand holding her cheek to reveal blood dripping from a small cut, the skin around it red and swollen. You took her hand gently and led her to the toilets, opening the door to see that no one else was in there.

She didn't move or talk as you ran the tap and used several paper towels to clean away the blood. The cut wasn't very big, or very deep, but the notion that someone had done this to her made you sick. As you cleaned, you removed the makeup on her skin, revealing blue and purple bruises underneath. Evidence that this was not a one-off occurrence. This was continuous.

"Why don't you say something?" You finished wiping away the blood and turned the tap as cold as it would go.

"About the beatings?" She asked. You nodded, pressing a towel soaked in the cold water to her cheek in an attempt to reduce some of the swelling, "It isn't anything new, in fact many of these are from my master."

"Your master?"

She took over holding the wet towel for you. You jumped up and sat on the counter top beside the sink, "I was sold to him as a child, and I've been working for him here ever since."

"You're a slave?"

She nodded, taking off the towel and turning to the mirror. She produces a compact and covers up the bruises, fixing her face in preparation to go back outside. You watched the way she applied the product, precise and deliberate, flawless. It was almost impressive, until you realised there was only one way she learned this talent- practice.

The two of you joined back with the party before parting ways. They bowed before you and you saw them smile, just barely, turning away and walking over to the next person. You didn't want to watch, in case the same thing happened again. Poor girl, it didn't feel right just leaving her. You'd ask Kylo about when you saw him-

"That was a kind thing to do, helping her." Kylo was suddenly behind you, you spun round immediately

"She needs our help, commander. She's a slave, she gets beaten, she-"

"Enough. That girl has her place in the universe, you'd be wise to remember yours." He started walking, you followed.

"Commander, didn't you hear me? She's a _slave._ "

Kylo didn't reply, only kept walking. You had to hurry to keep up, desperately trying to get your message through to him,

"There's nothing I can do," he said finally, "Now, let's get another drink."

**A/N: For context, here's what your dress looks like!**


	16. 16- Stay a little while

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Kylo share something, and Kylo has a revelation.

You ended up drinking a lot more than you wanted to. Normally, a lack of funds prevented you from going past your limit, but the drinks just kept coming, and Kylo didn't seem inclined to stop you.

In fact, he liked watching you enjoy yourself, you were smiling and laughing in ways you hadn't before, and it made him happy- even if he never outwardly expressed it. Your laugh was such a sweet noise, even if you didn't agree with him, he thought it sounded perfect. There wasn't much laughter in his life, nor were there a lot of smiles, genuine happiness was a rare feeling for Kylo Ren. He got pleasure from conquering worlds, but the last time he felt real happiness was probably during his childhood, which always felt like more of a dream than his actual past.

You watched him through half-lidded eyes, the drink wearing heavy on you, making you exhausted and full of energy all at once. You giggled when he met your gaze, followed by a yawn. Kylo sighed, finally snatching the glass from your hand,

"Hey!" You tried to grab it back, but Kylo pulled it out of your reach, "Thats- that's mine."

"You've had enough, it seems they aren't here, we should get back."

You groaned, "But I like it here, everything's free."

Kylo stood up, grabbing your wrist forcefully and half-dragging you out of your seat. You fought against his grip, but you fumbled.

"Kylo~ I want to go back."

He didn't respond, only led you outside. The cold air sobered you slightly, allowing you to stand on your own. You blinked a few times and tried to make out the streets before you, everything was kind of hazy, in a dream-like sort of way. You started stumbling one way, only for Kylo to guide you in another direction entirely, 

"This way, little one." He looked down at the state of you, "I shouldn't have let you drink so much, I want you up bright and early tomorrow."

It was already tomorrow, though, by the time you arrived in the hotel reception, it was early morning and the sun was beginning to chip away at the darkness. Kylo helped you into your room, standing beside your bed as you climbed in. You had barely managed to kick off your shoes before collapsing onto the pillow.

Kylo had every intention of sleeping in his own bed that night, but you held out a feeble hand and whined his name.

"Kylo, sleep with me."

He swallowed, eyes scanning you for any sign of sarcasm or joking.

"What?"

"Sleep in my bed, there's plenty of room."

"But why? I have my own bed, this is- this isn't."

"I want you to, I don't want to be lonely."

Maybe it was the alcohol that Kylo had himself drank, maybe it was your drunken state that prevented you from registering what you were saying, but for some reason neither of you had any real objections. Kylo wanted to say how inappropriate this was, but then he saw that he'd have to take at least 3 steps to get to his own bed and agreed. Realistically, he didn't dislike the idea, he was more concerned for what Hux or Snoke would say if they found out, but they wouldn't- right? This was his personal hotel room, he could do what he liked in the privacy of this room. It's only when these things are carried out in the public eye that he has to worry.

He didn't want to think about the consequences, all he wanted to do was sleep and forget about all of things in his life that prevented him from doing stuff like this all the time. He pulled the covers up to his neck and felt your warmth beside him. You were on your side, facing away, but he didn't mind. This felt nice, natural, even if he knew deep down you were only saying tases things because you wasted.

You could never truly love him, he realised. He had put you through so much, and Kylo Ren had never been a loveable man. He had lovers in the past, round women that stayed around for far too long and offered him very little. They had all been shallow, money hungry creatures that never really felt anything towards him. Hux had lapped up the opportunity to have such relationships of his own, flings that never went anywhere but he always pretended like they were going to. It was a 'benefit to the job' Hux called it, but Kylo saw it as a curse. No matter how much those girls liked to pretend, they could never see him as anything else but a fearsome dictator. He wasn't a lover to them, he was a status bonus- a bragging right.

As he thought about it, he grew more sour. You weren't like them, he knew that much, but then- what were you? A friend? A companion? Just a prisoner, or were you more? The ship became cramped after a while, no amount of freedom would stop that, but this trip, this trip was when you got true freedom. Sure, you dressed in what Kylo brought for you, but if you wanted to go wandering, or gambling, or drinking, he wouldn't stop you. He wanted you to see him differently than everyone else did, you were the only person in the galaxy who knew of him, but didn't share the same opinion everyone else did. When you looked at him, you saw a human where the people saw a monster. You saw potential where everyone else saw bloodied fear. 

Kylo shut his eyes, his throat was burning and tight, his chest felt like it was collapsing, his hands gripped around the pillow, pretending he was holding you instead. Tears began to slip out from between his lashes, decorating his face and the bed in small droplets of pain. He felt so alone, even if he could still feel you ethereal warmth emanating on his skin. 


	17. 17- Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a night in the same bed, both you and Kylo have to deal with the morning after

When you awoke, the first thing you noticed was the pounding in your head and the queasy feeling in your stomach. The second was that somebody else was in your bed. You forced your heavy eyelids open and rolled over to see who it was. A mess of black hair half-hid their face, their bulky, large form was holding yours, one arm wrapped around your middle and holding you to them. You registered almost at once who it was and froze, not wanting to wake them. Kylo Ren was in your bed snuggled up to you like a common lover. You held his arm with both of your hands, feeling how warm his skin was to the touch. As you tried to lift the arm off of you so you could escape, you heard him grumble something in his sleep. Your heart was racing, and the temporary adrenaline was enough to drag your attention away from your hangover for just long enough to escape his tight hold. You slipped out of bed and into the shower, trying to not to throw up under the spray. 

What was Kylo Ren doing in your bed? You remembered most of the night, even the walk home to the hotel, but everything after that was too foggy to make out. Your exhaustion must be making it hard to remember, you thought, scrubbing yourself clean. Did you let him in your bed? You must have, otherwise he'd be sleeping on his side of your room. Not that you minded all that much, he did feel warm against you, and his large build made you feel safe in his arms. But this was wrong, you knew that. You weren't on some retreat, this was a mission to find your own people. Kylo should know that as well, what ever was he thinking, holding you like that? Like he cared about you- like he loved you.

Kylo jumped out of bed the second his eyes opened. You weren't in the bed with him, but your scent lingered on the pillows and he could still feel your body heat. The memories came back to him, his desperation to be close to you, even though it pained him. You must've woke up first, which wasn't his plan. He stood in the room, running his hands through his hair and wiping the sleep from his eyes. Hopefully you wouldn't tell anyone about this, about what he had done. He sat on the edge of his own bed, waiting for the running of the shower water to stop. When you came out, he would apologise for his actions. It wasn't right, what he did, and it didn't mean anything. 

"Commander?" You called out, "Commander are you awake?" You emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel, not expecting Kylo to be sat there staring at you.  
"Y/N, about last night-"  
"Did you not hear me? I did say your name"  
"Listen to me, what I did last night, it was a mistake. Please don't think I'm always like this, it won't happen again."  
"Oh- I see. Thank you." You caught his eyes, they were dark with sleep and there was a sense of longing in them. When Kylo met your gaze, he wasn't looking at you, he was looking at what you could be. "Can I- Can I get my clothes now?"  
Kylo look startled, but then nodded, leaving you to take his own shower while you changed. You looked at the dent he left in your bed and wondered if it really was just a mistake. 

The outfit of the day was enough chic, expensive dress. It was red, with a similar low cut and a slit up the legs. But this one was different, it flowed and shimmered when it moved, like water all over your body. When you walked, you felt more like you were floating, the dress carrying you along. Whoever designed the clothes for the First Order was especially talented. Did they make this just for you? You spun around in it, bare foot as you twirled around and around. You felt silly, spinning in a dress, like a child playing dress up. This was your life now, rich, luxurious clothing and a lifestyle to go with it. You laughed to yourself at how silly it was, when you spotted Kylo looking at you from the doorway.  
"I thought you would like that one, I personally approved it." He was dressed in the same plain black clothing.   
"Aren't you going to wear something more- I don't know, lavish?"  
"I wouldn't want to take any eyes off you, little one, it's you that we want people to notice." It was almost a compliment, but you didn't know whether to thank him or not. Instead you slipped on your shoes and let Kylo lead you by the arm out of the room.

On the streets, it was bright and beautiful. You had only seen Canto Bight during the dark hours, and you had thought that maybe the city was more reserved during the day, but you quickly learned it wasn't. The people never seemed to stop partying, did the not feel rocky like you? You mentioned you headache to Kylo, who took you to a small shop on the corner of one street. It was a chemists, selling everything someone in a city such as this one could need. Kylo found a box of something on one shelf and paid for it, as you marvelled at all the silly cures and remedies the shop sold. There were even pills that prevented the feeling of drunkenness, but Kylo didn't show any intention of purchasing them. The people of Canto Bight had everything, medicines much more evolved than stuff on Earth. When Kylo handed you a pill to swallow, you took it and placed it on your tongue. It tasted like oranges and melted almost instantly before you could even attempt to swallow it whole.  
"Don't worry," Kylo said, "It's supposed to do that."

As the slight breeze blew your dress this way and that, you felt the headache start to fade, you thanked Kylo and hurried on ahead, now much more eager to look around. Other people brushed past you, arms full of shopping bags and still dressed in suits and luscious dresses like your own. However, you still caught the eye of many as you investigated every street and alley of the city. In the sun, you could see through the windows of the stores, see the engravings on the walls, you could make out the signs that were planted at every turn, leading you to the best bars, clubs and casinos. You thought at first that it was your dress that caught peoples' eyes, but then you turned around and saw the dangerous glare that Kylo shot at every citizen who even glanced at you. He was extremely protective over you, keeping a short distance away, but still close enough to show that you were his. 

It wasn't like you disliked the idea, in fact you were flattered that Kylo cared this much about you, you even slowed down so he could walk by your side. People started to avoid you when you walked by, not wanting to give the commander the wrong message. If he thought they were trying to do anything to you, he wouldn't hesitate to sort them out right in the middle of a busy street. You looped your arm around his and looked up at him,   
"Where are we going, commander?"  
"I thought we might have something to eat, and then we can look around some more." He took the lead, taking you down a less populated street and opening the door to a quiet, almost empty restaurant.


	18. 18- Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have something you need to tell Kylo

You sat across from Kylo at the table. You weren't in a booth at the very back, a curtain pulled around so you were secluded. It didn't matter, though, because the restaurant was empty aside from the staff. Orange lighting warmed you compared the bright white light of the sun outside. It was quite dark inside the booth, but you could still make out Kylo's facial expressions as he watched you eat. He picked at his own plate, but you didn't see him take a bite. 

"Are you not hungry?" You asked, 

"Not really, would you like mine?" He pushed his plate towards you, but you didn't say anything. 

"So where are we going after this?"

"We'll be visiting some more casinos. I trust you know how to play?"

"I mean, I can watch a roulette wheel. I don't know how to play card games though?"

"That will have to do, I was hoping you'd be able to win something."

"Why? Do you need the money?"

"No, but a big win would attract some attention." He looked away, "Nevermind, it can't be helped."

"I'm sorry I'm not more useful." You looked down at your food in embarrassment.

"Don't say that, you're incredibly useful, you're important to me, Y/N." Kylo shifted in his seat.

This was wrong, wasn't it? you shouldn't feel this way about your commander, the man who took you from your home. He's made you cry, made you hurt so much. But still- You don't remember when you first realised it, maybe when you saw his face for the first time. Or maybe it was when he was in your quarters that one time. Maybe it was before then, when you awoke from your visit to the med bay and realised he had carried you in his arms. 

Either way, you felt something you weren't sure if you should.

"Kylo, I have to tell you something-"

"Tell me it later, come on, we have work to do." 

~~~~~~~~

You sat on the chair in the casino and sighed. Kylo was nowhere is sight, and you were bored. More importantly, you were confused. Should you tell him? What would he do? He'd probably have you executed, you had also heard the word 'reconditioned' at one point- would he do that? Was what you were feeling against some sort of rule? You buried your face in your hands and tried to clear the thoughts from your mind. It wasn't right, you had to stop dwelling on the impossible. Kylo Ren would never feel that way about you, there's no point in hoping.

He had given you a pin, before he had left. The symbol of the first order in black metal. You were wearing it on your dress, like you were proud of who you worked for. He didn't say why, suppose the humans on Canto Bight would recognise it? Or maybe it was so people didn't try anything with you whilst you were alone? Either way, you never expected to have somebody tap you on the shoulder and point to it with such intensity,

"Where did you get that?" They asked, grabbing for it.

"Kylo Ren- I mean the commander, he gave it to me."

"Kylo Ren is here? Where?"

You didn't like the way they kept one hand on the weapon on their belt, "I don't know, he walked off." 

"I see." Their hands grabbed your wrists, "Then you'll be coming with me."

Before you could act, you were being dragged out of the casino where more people waited outside. You tried to scream for Kylo, but your nerves made your voice fall silent. You struggled against them, but to no avail.

"W-where are you taking me?" You asked, as you were dragged down some steps, "Why do you want me?"

"You work for the First Order, we're taking you in for questioning." One replied, still hauling you along without much care. Your dress got stepped on and torn in several places. You felt like crying. Finally you found the strength to cry out,

"KYLO! KYLO HELP ME!"

And it was like he knew, within moments he was running after you, you saw the red flame in his hand and instead of fearing him you felt joy. He had come to save you, you were going to be fine.

"Let her go."

"Ren." One of the people snapped at him. Several blasters were aimed at him, but he didn't flinch. 

"I said, let her go." He held his blade at the ready, the grip on you tightened.

"She's coming with us, Ren. Try and stop us."

Kylo didn't hesitate, he lunged towards you, slaying several as he did do without even bothering to look their way. His eyes were fixated on you, he had to get to you- to save you. You were pulled further away, as shots rang out in the open sky. You were crying now, thrashing against the people who held you. You struggled this way and that, trying to worm out of their grasp. You had to be strong for Kylo, you had to help him by freeing yourself. More fell, he was closer. You were pulled further along. You dug your feet into the ground, trying to stop them from moving you. Your feet dragged along the pavement, unable to find a solid foothold. You yelled and begged and cried, desperately trying to escape. In the near distance, you saw a fleet of ships, none of them Kylo's. You realised you had to get out of there soon, the second you were on one of this things, you would be flown away to a place where Kylo couldn't reach you.

"KYLO! HELP ME, PLEASE!" Your throat burned, your eyes were screwed closed. If they were open, you would see Kylo was getting further and further away. He was held up by the group he was fighting. He dropped his guard to outstretch a hand to you,

"Y/N, I'll find you! I promise I'll find you!"

"No, Kylo..." You gave up shouting, "I don't want to go."

He didn't say anything, he couldn't show his sadness and desperation in front of them. The Resistance. You had found them, but Kylo was too late.

You had reached the ships, and as you were being hauled up the ramp into one of them, you mustered up everything you had. Your courage, your strength, the last of your voice which was hoarse and croaky already, and then you did it,

"KYLO! I LOVE YOU!"

The door closed and the ship began to rise into the air. 


	19. 19- Are you coming back?

You don't remember falling asleep, but you did wake up. You were in a cell, with bars looking out onto the dingy, dark corridor. You were lying on the floor, and you couldn't see anyone else. You remembered sleeping on the floor before, aboard Kylo's ship. How long ago was that? You never bothered to ask Kylo how long you had been with him, because it didn't matter. It felt like years, but in a glorious way. You felt like a completely different person, even if you knew deep down you hadn't changed that much. Kylo made you feel strong, you were safe as long as you was with him. But now he was gone, and you were scared again.

You sat up and sat against the wall, looking out into the corridor. The ship groaned and creaked periodically, clearly they didn't have the same money the First Order did. Speaking of which, who were these people? You called out into the darkness, but the only reply was your echo, followed by another groan from deep within the ship.

How long had you been out? Hours? Days? You felt the hard, metal floor beneath you and tried to remember how you got here. One minute you were lying in bed in Kylo's arms, and the next you were being hauled away, crying out to him-

-you told him you loved him.

You covered your mouth to stifle your sobs. The tears came suddenly, almost without warning. You had planned to tell him, but not like this. You imagined it would be more romantic, more sweet. As you lay in bed with him again, whispering it into the sheets, just enough for him to hear and him alone. He's the only person who needed to know, but instead you had screamed it as loud as you could, because right then you were too afraid of him not hearing you to care who else did. He had to know, in that moment, because right now you weren't sure if you would ever have another chance to tell him. If you did, you promised yourself you would never stop saying it, over and over until you had no breath left to say it with. 

As you cried to yourself, you heard footsteps headed your way. You wiped your eyes on the tattered hem of your skirt and rubbed the fabric between your fingers. Kylo had approved this dress personally, and it had been ruined in your struggle. The hem was scratched and large rips decorated the fabric. When the person reached you, you clutched the dress as if they were going to tear it off you. Instead, they wordlessly passed a tray of food through a small slot in the bars. You had to scramble to your feet to take it from them, but you didn't say anything. 

The food was cold and mushy, much like the stuff you had eaten the first time aboard The Finalizer. Over time, you hadn't really noticed it, but the quality of the food had improved. It was like as the days passed, you were working your way up the ranks, from prisoner to what? You had been working for them, to find the other humans, but you didn't really feel like staff. Were you Kylo's friend? That didn't feel right, Kylo didn't seem the type to have friends. Acquaintances maybe, that was probably the best you got with Kylo. 

~~~~~~~~

Kylo finished slicing up the hotel room with a sigh. The room was burning with each slash of his lightsaber. The only thing not damaged was the bed you and him had slept in together. He preserved it, even if the dent you had left in the mattress and pillows was gone now. He sat down on it and his fist slammed into the headboard. He had been stupid, stupid, to let you go it alone in that casino. He had been wrong to even take you on this mission. And even worse, you didn't know why they, the Resistance, had taken you. You thought you were here looking for humans, when really you were human bait. Kylo felt guilty, the pain worming in his stomach as he looked down at his feet. He had vowed to himself, to keep you safe- but he had failed. He had abandoned you and he was too late coming back, leaving you to rot on some Resistance ship.

Then he remembered, the way you had cried as they dragged you away from him. He remembered what you had said to him, your last words before those doors shut and you flew away.

_I love you_

Kylo looked to where you had laid. Then he stood, and sorted through the clothes. He found the dress you had worn yesterday, black and shining and a perfect fit on you. He held it in his hands, the soft fabric warmed him. It still smelt of you, and he pictured how you looked in it, so gorgeous and delicate and the black fabric shimmered in the moonlight. He dropped the dress and headed out, barely just remembering to grab his mask, out onto streets, and then further. He was running, long strides carried him to his ship, as he fixed the helmet onto his head. Before he could register what he was doing, he was already flying, flying in the direction you had. He was coming to get you, you just had to wait for him. He would be there soon, and this time he wasn't letting you leave him again. 


	20. 20- Liar

Kylo didn't stop flying for a single second. It didn't matter how many hours passed, how tired or hungry he grew, if he stopped his journey for even a moment it would break him. He could sense you, just about. Far away and weak, but something inside kept his ability to sense you, even if it was thousands of miles ahead of him. Maybe he was imagining it, your feeling in his mind, but he still followed it because it was all he had. If fate decided you two were to meet again, then you would. Kylo believed in destiny, and he believed his destiny was to be with you.

~~~~~~~~

Slowly, you adjusted to your cell. You didn't cry as much, but you still weren't happy. When meals came, you didn't bother to ask about where you were going, only ate your food and waited for the next time it was brought to you.

It was incredibly depressing, sitting in the damp, metallic box, picking at the floor and trying to imagine you were elsewhere. Back on Canto Bight, with Kylo, walking the luminescent streets and drinking until the sun rose again. You tried to remember what he felt like when he touched you, the way he had held your face so close to his in your quarters, his hushed tone. His voice without the modifier was beautiful, you thought, deep and rough, with a hint of undeniable mystery that you could get lost in. You wanted to feel him again, his warmth that would alleviate the coldness of your cell.

Eventually, you felt the ship lurch downwards, coming to a jagged, bumpy stop. You no linger heard the clanking of the engine, or the whirring of some piece of machinery or another. It was quiet.

Somebody came to collect you shortly afterwards, heaving you to your feet and dragging you out of the ship. You found yourself on You a planet, once again on solid ground. You were in a forest, and the grass around you seemed so earthlike that you wanted to cry again. The greenery was beautiful, something you hadn't seen in so long. You wanted to explore, but you were soon taken inside of a building and deposited in another cell.

This one was nicer, with a block bed similar to the one you had on the Finalizer, but at least it was dry and there was no noise. You laid down and curled up the best you could, trying to think about your time in the Finalizer cell. That hadn't been fun either, but it had worked out in the end. Maybe this would be like that, but you doubted it because Kylo wasn't here this time.

However, you weren't given a lot of time to think about it, because a short while later your cell door was opening and a figure was standing in the doorway. It was an elderly lady, one with tray hair that was expertly held up as a crown around her head. She seemed kind, but stern as she looked down on you, 

"So you're the one that was staying with my son."

"Your son? You mean Kylo Ren?"

She shook her head, "My son's name is Ben Solo." She extended her hand, "Now, come with me."

This lady didn't drag you along, instead trusting you to walk beside her through a maze of corridors. These were much less professional than the ones on the ship, instead they seemed to have been built piecemeal as resources were gathered, jumbled together in a collective mess of hallways and rooms. You looked around, noting the orange jumpsuits that were commonly worn, the friendly demeanour of the people compared to the stoic, faceless troopers that you were normally subjected to. The lady was often greeted by any who passed her, they called her 'General Organa', but it wasn't a name you were familiar with. 

You were brought into a small, plain grey room. There was only a desk with two chairs either side of it. It reminded you of the interrogation rooms in police stations, and then you remembered Kylo's methods of interrogation. Would they do that to you too? Your hands reached for your temples, preparing for the pain to come,

"Sit down," The General ordered, and you did.

"Are you going to hurt me?" You asked, "I'll talk, you don't need to do that mind thing-"

"Mind thing? Oh dear, don't worry, we're not like the first order," Her smile was light hearted, but you still couldn't make yourself relax.

"You said you were Ben's mother, is that right?"

"Yes, but I haven't seen my son in a long time. You know him, don't you?"

"We met a while ago, he was taking me on a mission to find humans on Canto Bight."

General Organa raised an eyebrow, "Humans?"

"The people from Earth, where I'm from." You explained, "Apparently they made it to Canto Bight."

"I don't think that's quite true, we heard he was coming to Canto Bight in order to find us."

"Oh no, Kylo wouldn't lie to me- he'd never lie to me."

"I thought that too, but my son... he's not the person I thought he'd become."

You shook your head, "Kylo is a good guy, I know he is. Why would he be looking for you?"

"The resistance have been fighting the First Order for some time, and Ben is not above playing dirty. I'm sorry he dragged you into this mess."

"Kylo did not lie to me!" You could feel the room grow hotter, who did this woman think she was? Lying to you, making you question Kylo like this? You went to Canto Bight to find humans, not the Resistance! You stood up sharply, knocking the chair over as you rose to your feet,

"Sit down, come on, let's talk."

"Don't lie to me, Kylo Ren would never do this to me."

"I thought that too, but then one day he put on that mask and he never took it off."

"He takes it off all time with me, he shows me who he is- and he is not a liar."

General Organa wiped her brow, and her posture relaxed, "You will only be disappointed, why don't you just stay with us? The Resistance are always looking for new members."

"So that's why I'm here, so you can recruit me?" You crossed your arms, "Well, I'm staying with Kylo."

"I can't allow that to happen."

"Well then, I guess I'll just have to wait for Kylo to collect me."

"He won't be able to do that, he doesn't know where we are." She tilted her head, "But you know where he is, so maybe we could come to some sort of agreement."

"I'm not going to betray Kylo." Your voice was sharp, 

"Maybe you won't now, but once you learn who my son really is, you won't hesitate to help us stop him." 


	21. 21- Don't hurt me

You were escorted back to your cell, seething with anger. How dare she talk about Kylo like that? Kylo was not a bad person, the First Order weren't evil! They couldn't be, could they? You knew Kylo had killed people, but surely he had good reason? The First Order- there was no way they were as bad as General Organa made them out to be. You clenched your fists as you walked, trying not to lash out. Kylo would collect you soon, and you would be able to go home.

Home. It was funny, you didn't know what home was to you anymore. Before, your home was on Earth, but now... Home was the place where the people you loved lived, and you were sure you loved Kylo. Maybe, one day, he would come down to Earth again and stay there. You could live together, in some quiet village so he wouldn't be around many people. You would probably travel a lot, because you were sure that no matter where you were, if Kylo was there then it was home. You smiled, despite your anger- you would be home soon.

But for now, you were locked back inside your cell. You didn't kick up a fight, but you weren't exactly cooperative. General Organa kept trying to speak to you, tell you about what the First Order did. 

"The First Order are pure evil. The Resistance have to stop them." She says through the door, "They hunt us like animals, they kill innocent people, you have to believe me."

You didn't have any of it, blocking it out and turning your face away from her. Every time she came to the door, your face fell into a look of disgust. How dare she, talking about her own son like this. You had thought he was a monster before, honestly, but you had come to learn he wasn't. Kylo hid behind a mask, but not to hide his evil- it was to hide his kindness. The role of commander came with the expectation of being terrifying, and Kylo had to pretend. That's all he was doing, pretending. That had to be it. Kylo was good. You believed that in your heart of hearts- Kylo wasn't really capable of hurting somebody. 

~~~~~~~~

It had been a long journey, but Kylo was sure he was getting close. He could sense you strongly, like you were really just sat beside him. Damn those Resistance scum! He'd kill them all, if they even dared to touch a hair on your head, he'd obliterate them and then some. They had no right, stealing you from under his nose. You were _his_. His to have and to hold, his to care for. You were under his protection.

His, and his alone. 

He tightened his grip on the steering as he came across a planet. It was small, and covered in greenery, but from above the clouds he could spot a clearing. There, a base sat in the woods. He landed a little while away, hoping those scum weren't advanced enough to have long distance scanners. Not that he cared that much, he would easily kill anyone living on this planet without breaking a sweat. 

He stormed up to the base, searching his mind for your location. You were close, he could almost hear your breathing, feel your heartbeat, think what you were thinking. He would be with you soon, as he entered the building. Somebody soon spotted him, and alarm bells were raised. People began shooting from every direction, but Kylo didn't even really notice. He was slaughtering them without even consciously deciding to do so, barely registering their screams as they crumbled before him. Pathetic, he thought, he doesn't even have to think about killing them and still they fall like nothing. 

Eventually, he found the row of cells. He sliced through the doors, not bothering with the buttons. Most were empty- except for one. And there you were, sitting there confused. The alarm had probably startled you, but once you saw him your eyes lit up.

"Kylo!" You ran up to him, he barely had time to put away his sabre before you were hugging him tight, "Kylo you're here!"  
  
"I said I would come back for you, didn't I?" He outstretched a gloved hand towards you, "Now come on, we have to go."

You ran along the corridors with him. He was gripping your hand tight, like he was afraid of letting go and losing you again. As you tried to keep up with his long strides, you saw the bodies scattered around. Many were burned and badly cut up. They were brutal, angry kills, and there was only one person responsible.

"Kylo, did you do this?"

"I had to, they were keeping me from you."

You tried not to think about it, instead focused on getting back, back to where it was safe and the Resistance couldn't follow you. Your legs grew tired, but you kept running, letting Kylo guide you. Your chest burned, your throat was dry, but all you could worry about was Kylo. He had rescued you, you couldn't give up now.

As you fought your way through the thick green plants, Kylo finally stopped holding your hand. He was slicing a clearer path through, it seems like he hadn't bothered to when he was on his own. Now, though, he was worried about you. You couldn't push through brambles without a second thought, leap over fallen trees like it was nothing. Kylo normally thought someone like you as lesser, but watching as you desperately tried to push through the thicket, he smiled behind the mask. He didn't want you to grow stronger, he wanted to protect you. 

When you finally reached the ship, Kylo dragged you on board, closing the ramp and hurrying to the cockpit. You sat on the floor near the entrance. You were breathing roughly, trying to calm down and collect yourself. As you wiped the sweat from your face, you remembered what you had promised to do when you next saw Kylo again. Grinning, you got to your feet and tiredly made your way to where Kylo was flying you up into the air. 

However, when you looked out of the window, you saw something you would rather have not seen. Kylo was shooting at the base, at the unarmed people simply watching you fly away. They weren't shooting back, they weren't even angry. If anything they looked terrified.

"Kylo, wait, they aren't hurting us-" You leant over the controls to get a better look. They weren't even attempting to fight back. 

"I know." Kylo says. His voice is different, and not just because of the modifier. It's dark, and unfamiliar. It's scary.

"Then why are you shooting them?"

"Because they took you away." He shoots another unarmed bystander. Then another.

"But I'm fine now, see? You can stop."

More blasts ring out. You swallow the lump growing in your throat.

"Kylo you can stop now." He doesn't reply. "Kylo, stop!"

"Why should I?!" He snaps, "They took you away- _they took you away from me!"_

You stand there, unable to move. Your voice loses it's commanding tone, "Kylo they're unarmed. They aren't trying to hurt us."

"They deserve it." He growls, his voice is thick and you feel uneasy as yet more people are shot. You feel dizzy, the world is almost spinning.

General Organa was right.

The realisation hits you and you can't help it- you fall to your knees in surrender. There's nothing else you can do. Kylo finally stops shooting, and you leave the carnage behind. You feel sick in the very pit of your stomach and your throat is tight to the point where you're struggling to breathe

General Organa was right.

The thought hurts, it stings, but you can't tear your mind away from it. Kylo isn't who you thought he was. He isn't some sweetheart putting up a front. You look at the mask and wonder what it's really hiding- his kindness? Or his true monstrosity? You try to imagine his face beneath it. Beautiful and pale, but the beauty is tainted by his sins. Blackness grows around his features, dark shadows of his past are clawing at him. You shudder, and hang your head. You can't bear to look at him.

General Organa was right. 


End file.
